Cogito ergo scribo

Left office at around 11pm.

Had teleconference with the Americans today. The meeting started at 9pm and lasted for about 1.5 hours. I really hate being involved in this project. The odd working hours aside, Americans aren't really easy to work with either, especially when i'm an Asian lady who looks young and inexperienced, and those whom i have to deal with are of director or executive level.

Since i'm gonna work late night, i woke up late and then went to work late at around 10.30am. I called up big boss this morning and informed him that i would be coming in late since i'm gonna stay late. Mind you, i informed him and not asked him for permission. I could sense that he wasn't too happy about it, as i actually made the decision on my own instead of seeking for his approval first. Furthermore, he was also involved in the teleconference and needed to stay late too, but he still got into the office early. But then, if i were getting his pay and benefits, i wouldn't mind doing that either. So really, i don't heck care about it anymore.

Uh huh, i'm very much demoralised, so much so that i'm starting to display a bit of bad attitude, or even intentionally passed loud remarks in the office about how sucky certain things are in the company. Not only me but most staff of our level are feeling the same disgruntlement.

Of course, i still do my work to perfection, but i'm just beyond fed-up with how things are going in the company now and couldn't care less about being discreet in my remarks anymore. Why do i even care who hears what. I mean, what could be the worst that could happen to me, other than being fired? When a person has been through hell, she becomes fearless and nothing really matters anymore.

The main problem with this company is that it's not a "people oriented" company but a "director oriented" organisation. The so-called cost cutting initiative around the group is all for show only -- people at the bottom are being squeeze or even exploited while people on top enjoy all kinds of benefits and simply squander the money away like nobody's business. And the office politics among the top people are so obvious that it almost becomes destructive sometimes. In the end, it is still the people at the bottom that suffer.

Frankly, this is the worst, i repeat, THE WORST MNC that i've ever worked with, even worse than a small local company. We would think that the recent change in management may make a difference, but in the end, it's only change of people and the things are still the same -- dirty and ugly. The worst of all is that HR woman, who really deserves a post dedicated entirely to her, that is, for bashing and bitching about her.

Oh well, i guess i just gotta stick it through for now, until i figure out what i should do next. If i were to make a move, i really want to do something i enjoy and not just for the money anymore. My life has come to a point where everything gotta change already, especially my priorities in life. I really need to think hard on what i wanna out of my life and how i am gonna achieve it.

Until then, i'm just stuck here, continue working my ass off while whining incessantly.

Labels: rant, work