No, today is NOT my birthday, even tho the title gives the illusion that it is. I have been spending days in thinking of what to write for the first post. Well, i did have many things in mind, but none ever seemed appropriate or good enough to be the first one. Then i thought to myself, hey, how about the mail that i sent to my friends on my birthday this year... it was something that i wrote to commemorate the day i turned 30 years old; something that poured right out from my heart; something that marked a new beginning, just like the start of my own blog...
So here it is, copied and pasted from my mail dated 1-Feb-2005:
So today is the day i turn 30. Wow, t-h-i-r-t-y... it was an age that had appeared to me as so far and unreachable when i was younger, yet it just happened at a blink of the eye without my notice. People always say life is like a journey but i feel that life is more like a drive along a downward slope with broken brake. The speed increases even though we are not accelerating and we can't stop it. Don't you feel that our days seemed to pass by faster as we age? *sigh*
I used to think that three decades of living is the mark between childishness and maturity, naïve-ness and wisdom, youth and adulthood. However, having spent 30 years on this earth does not really make THAT much of difference to me -- well, i do feel "older" but I don't feel that "grown-up". There seems to be many things that i still do not know, have not experienced, yet to achieved and may not be able to cope. I am not too sure if wisdom indeed grows with age, but the sense of urgency and inadequacy sure creep in as our hair slowly turns white.
Why do most of us, especially women, dreaded this day so much? Thanks to all those "scary tales" about the first wrinkle appearing, the slowing down of metabolism and the gradually out-of-shape figure, the "if you are not married by this age then you are left on the shelf" stigma... For guys, 30 years old is a symbol of financial stability and success, while for lady it spells "depreciation". Ya, sure i don't agree with this kind of thought, but this is the way in which our society works! Talk about gender equality huh! Well, i guess more than fifty years of feminism movement has not really brought us any further from where we started.
If i were lucky, i may be able to have 80 birthdays for my entire life. However, 30-year-old only happens once. It is a day that i should relish. As i tried to reminisce my younger days, i realize how grateful i should be for spending approximately 2/5 of my life in a relatively good way:
1 - 6 years old, i don't have much recollection except i was a cry baby and many people doted on me.
7 - 12 years old, my primary education in Foon Yew (2) and was a lazy student who didn't like to do homework and study.
13 - 14 years old, my secondary education in Foon Yew and i got to know a bunch of best friends who would walk with me for the rest of my life (hopefully).
15 year old, lost my father to cancer.
16 - 17 years old, the beginning of my senior high years and getting more and more restless with local education.
18 year old, the first time leaving home to a foreign country living on my own.19 year old, the first time falling in love.
20 - 21 years old, the finest years of my youth with educational achievements; the start of my working life.
22 - 25 years old, worked in Penang, KL, Singapore; struggled in a dead-end relationship.
26 year old, ended my 7 years of love relationship.
27 year old, met the love of my life and realized how happiness should have been when one is in love.
28 year old, attained my Master's degree and change of career line.
29 year old, experienced career crisis and came out alive.
30 year old and beyond, crossed my fingers and wish for the best.
Hmmm, it may not be that exciting a life when reading it, but living it is definitely a great roller coaster ride. ;)
Today may just like any other normal days -- eat, work, sleep... but it is actually the beginning of a new chapter for me as today is the day i say goodbye to my twenty-something life and march towards the thirty-something category. Today, is THE day, yes, the day i turn 30.
Labels: blogging, introspection
