Cogito ergo scribo

I'm now in Bukit Mertajam, a place where 贝 calls home but unfamiliar to me. The last time i visited 贝's family was almost a year ago. Frankly, even though 贝 and i have been together for six years, i still don't know his family too well. On average, i only see them two times every year, and each visit only lasts for a few days. And i'm not those kind of gal who would call up the boyfriend's parents to chit-chat every now and then, so i still feel out of place at his home, more so when they are talking in Hokkien, a language i could hardly understand.

My mom drove us to Senai Airport this morning. We arrived rather early, at around 8.30am for a flight scheduled to depart at 10.30am. It has been a year since i last taken a flight from Senai Airport. The last time i was here, it was still under construction and only the first floor was open for use. Boy, how much it had changed. At least it no longer looks like a rundown domestic airport of the 70s. There are more shops now and the facilities are new and better. There was even a smell of newly renovated building at the departure gate.

The plane took off on time, surprisingly, as i've read and heard that Air Asia's flights are always late. I slept through the one-hour flight and arrived at Penang Airport at 11.30pm. By 11.45pm, we had collected our checked-in luggage (ya, just one piece) and exited the arrival hall. The problem was that the person who was supposed to pick us up, 贝's sister Joan, wasn't there yet. She hadn't even crossed the Penang Bridge when 贝 called her up, so we waited while watching Desperate Housewives 2 with my laptop.

Joan and her boyfriend John arrived at around 12.15pm. The drive back to Bukit Mertajam was smooth, without any traffic congestion at the Penang Bridge. During the journey, Joan told 贝 that their parents had aged so much since she last saw them, which was just two months back during Chinese New Year.

Her words kinda reminded me of my mom. I believe my mom has also aged a lot over these few years, but the sad thing is that i hardly noticed it at all. Unlike 贝 and Joan who work and stay at other states and only get to see their parents every few months, i stay at home and see my mom everyday, but i see her day in and day out without noticing all the changes in her. Funny that it was only when i was away from her then i realized that i wasn't as filial as i thought i was.

I guess sometimes it's exactly because of the close proximity of our parents that we take their existence for granted. We hardly pay attention to them, being so engrossed in our own problems in life, not having much time for them. Yes, it's sad indeed. When we were young, our parents lived a life that often centered around us; but when we have grown up, we live a life that excludes our parents.

I often have a feeling of inadequacy because of my inability to provide my mom with a better life. I often think to myself, "only if i could earn more... only if i were more capable... " Perhaps before i could really earn enough (how much is ever enough?) for her to live a good life (what kind of life is ever good enough?), i could be a better daughter by giving her more attention. Perhaps money isn't really all that she needs to have a happy life; ample love and care may be sufficient to fill in the material gap.

And so i hope.

Labels: family, life, trivia