No, perhaps i am already crazy, and i am pulling 贝 along if i continue doing this.
I looked like a ghost now. My new hair cut did make me look prettier, but i am pale and sallow. Everyone who saw me said that i looked tired. Uh huh, they have no idea that i am beyond tired already.
I am still in a very vulnerable stage, whereby every little thing can simply make me snap. I am hoping to get the support and reassurance from 贝 to help me to recover. I hope to see his sincerity and determination to help me to get through it. Yet, i am not seeing it, and that left me dangling in between the line of getting better and becoming worse.
Then the question is this: are my expectations unrealistic?
LF kept telling me that i should not measure 贝 (or anyone else for that matter) with my yardstick. Men are different creatures from women. When they are not thinking or doing what we expected, is it because they are not putting in effort, or are they simply being men? They act differently and think differently (or not thinking at all). Is it unrealistic of me to hope that 贝 can do what i expected when he is after all, just like any other men?
Nowadays my mind is not working well. It is now in crazy mode, close to the line of insanity. I can't think of what i should or should not do anymore.
But what i MUST do is to get some sleep and start eating normal meals. That, i must.
Labels: introspection
