If having a few days of retreat can make him feel better and think better, then i should just leave him alone. I can no longer understand what is on his mind anymore, and frankly i am tired of asking too. Most of the times, whenever i ask him what is on his mind, his reply will be "nothing", or "i am not thinking about anything". The guessing game can really grow quite weary sometimes, so i'd rather not play it anymore. Just let nature take its course then.
The road ahead is still unclear. In certain days, it seems all sunny; then on other days, it may be clouded. I had wanted to work hard at rebuilding the marriage by doing all the things that i've never imagined that i could or needed to do, but then the effort and energy should in fact be directed at rebuilding myself instead. I need to be strong and stand on my own feet again. Only in this way that i will not go through another round of depression should the situation deteriorates or reoccurs.
Yes, that should be the way to go, as no one really can tell us where the future lies. It can go any way; when it seems to be going the right way, it may suddenly take a sharp turn and go the other way. Never assume that it will be in our hands, no matter how much effort we put in it. We can only do this much, the rest is really not within our control anymore, whether you believe in God, karma or fate/destiny. There are just things in life that are beyond our control and comprehension. We accept it, live with it, and move on, no matter how difficult it may be.
I mean, seriously, what else can we possibly do but these?
Labels: introspection
