Even though we are APAC team, now there is a chance to extend our involvement globally, as the CIO is very impressed with our performance here (thanks to big boss who did one hell of a job in marketing it), he wanted us to help in the implementation for North America and Europe too.
Big boss is ambitious. Why stop at being a Director for APAC if there is an opportunity to expand his territory to the world. The system which i specialise in just so happened to be the expertise and experience in APAC that the other regions lack. Hence my team is the one that will help to strengthen his position in this company.
Yet, my work performance has been terrible since mid-March when the affair was out in the open. It got even worse lately for this 2nd wave. He has been patience with me, knowing that i am a person with high calibre and was only knocked down by this tragedy. What i am doing now is actually slowly depleting the credibility that i had built over the last year, otherwise no boss would be so patient with any employee who gets paid but does not produce anything at all. I think now it's time that he really gotta take matters into his hand already, as it is at a crucial point for him now but one of his most valued talent is in such a bad state that she becomes an obstacle instead of enabler for his greater plan.
He obviously has sensed the loss of passion for the job in me. He asked me outright if this unfortunate incident has changed my values in my career. I think he has been very good to me, so i have to be fair to him and the company, and i do owe him an honest answer. I told him that i did have thought of a career switch, but i am not in the right mind to make the right decision now. He was very shock when he heard about the possibility of my departure, and pressed me for an answer. I just told him that i can't make up my mind now.
I told him that i need a long leave to calm my mind and think about what i want to do with my life going forward. I should have a definite answer when i am back from the leave. He agreed that i should take a long leave, but he can't wait till then, as he has a lot of projects in the pipeline and needs to plan for resources. I can't possibly expect him to wait for me, and he will be in deep trouble if in the end my decision is not favourable to him.
I did, however, highlighted to him that i need a job because i am broke now and i need the money to feed myself and my mom. I also told him that if i lose my career too, then i basically have nothing left already. I took the chance to hint to him too about my skill and knowledge of the business that are a definite asset to the company and can't be surpassed immediately even with a new hire. He agreed and said that it was exactly why he would rather have me than others.
Yes, i know, being so honest with my boss is as good as killing my own career. Even if i stay on, his impression of me should already been discounted. In fact, right after i spoke to him, he immediately reviewed all the past candidates and even thinking of hiring in SG (we have been trying to hire for KL as there is no more headcount here). As a boss, he gotta have contingency plan of course.
Frankly, i don't really seem to care much already. I am seriously contemplating an alternative route for my life now, but this is a life changing decision that i do not know if it's right for me to make that decision now, when i'm still in the traumatised state of mind.
Anyway, he wanted me to give him an firm answer by Wednesday. Basically i have three choices:
- Stay on in this job and build my career here. If this is the choice, then big boss demands me to get back to my old self before September latest, as the US project will commence by then.
- Stay on in this job but take a lesser responsibility. This means a demotion, probably back to Consultant role, and of course i will no longer head the team and he will hire a new Project Manager to replace me.
- Resign and leave this company.
I really have to think this through carefully... and i only have two days to do it.
Labels: work
