Cogito ergo scribo

I believe many people have heard this little philosophy about marriage before -- when a couple have been together for so long and have nothing more to say to each other, they will get married to have new conversation started. Then after they have been married for a few years and are running out of topics, they will have a kid to create new topics. A few years after the first child, the conversation gets stale again and it's time to have the second kid. And then the cycle goes on.

What supposedly started as an undying love for each other turns out to be a marital relationship that has to be sustained through offspring. Actually it sounds more like a sad tale to me than a philosophy.

If this is indeed how marriage works, then i may have a problem after i get married -- 贝 and i don't intend to have any kids.

My friends find this hard to swallow, especially for those who have been trying very hard in futile to conceive. Some just laughed and said that i would sure want one after i get married, while some tried to persuade me to change my mind by telling me all the trite reasons for having children, such as it helps to keep the family together, or it's a social responsibility, or it's for the fundamental needs of the survival of the species as human beings.

Well, maybe they are right, but at the current stage we are very sure of our decision. After all, we aren't young anymore. If we indeed want children, we would have gotten married sooner.

We are not people who hate children. In fact, 贝 loves his toddler nephew Jie very much and often misses him. As for me, i do love cute little children who are well-behaved. And this is exactly the problem -- children nowadays are mostly spoilt brats who are used to being the king of the family and expect the whole world revolves around them.

Look around and you can see these ill-bred imps everywhere. In the MRT, they perform acrobatic feats with the handgrips while their parents look on approvingly. In the supermarket, they drive like F1 racers with the shopping carts being their cars and the aisle their racing circuits. In the restaurant, they convert the cutlery into music instruments and nitpick their food while their parents wait on. In Toys "R" Us, they sing guttural soprano accompanied by their ritual dancing that always guarantee the toys they clamour.

The funny thing is this: none of the parents actually realize how spoilt their kids have become. Don't be surprised that they are the ones who actually sneer at other saucy kids but won't hesitate to confront you when you admonish their precious for bad behaviours. To them, other kids are ill-bred while theirs are just, well, being lively and lovable.

So when i told my friends that i don't have the confidence in my own ability to bring up well-behaved children, they told me that they believed i would be a different kind of parent who would be able to teach my kids well. "Nay, we won't be like those parents who pamper their kids. We are different."

Ya sure, we think that we are different, just like everyone else.

The thing is this, you see. We think that the other parents are stupid for not being stricter to their kids because THE KIDS ARE NOT OUR OWN. I can imagine that if there's a smaller version of myself, i would sure wanna shower all my love on her. I would sure want to have the best of everything for her. I would sure wince at every tear that she sheds and smile at every laughter that she makes. I would sure think fondly of her and disagree on every criticism about her. Simply, i would dote on her and become just like any other parents who claim that they are different. And if there's a smaller version of 贝, i may dote on him even more.

I'm not saying that all parents nowadays are lousy. Of course there are a lot who raise great kids, but i just doubt that i will be one of them.