Usually home-cooked dinner awaits us every Friday night, and in cases when mom has other engagements, she would call and inform us.
So when we came home to an empty house on Friday night, with the kitchen all tidied up as if nobody has touched anything for quite a while, both 贝 and i were puzzled.
I had called mom on both Thursday and Friday several times. I called home as well as her mobile. Nobody picked up the calls. When i saw that she was not at home without telling us, i called her mobile again but only to hear the ringtone in her room.
Uh huh, she has left her mobile phone at home, intentionally.
I called my aunts to find out where she was. Nobody knew where she has gone to. 2nd aunt told me that mom said she was going to JB town in the afternoon for her computer lesson (which she kept from me) and to pick up some medicines for grandma. Aunt said maybe she went to her friend's place after that.
Then time passed by and mom was still not home into late night. Aunt started calling me many times to check if mom had come home already. The several phone calls slowly revealed that mom had been complaining to my aunt about me. She was angry with me over an arguement we had a few weeks back.
The arguement was over something that i deemed rather trivial. It was the second time she brought the same thing up and i got pissed. Then she started to say very unreasonable things and i got more pissed. I raised my voice at her, telling her to stop the nonsense.
That incident happened before CNY, and she looked fine for the past few weeks. So i really couldn't understand why she was mad at me only now.
Mom stays at home all days, and she has all the time to think about all sorts of things. Aunt said mom was actually angry since then, and perhaps the more she thought about it over the weeks, the angier she got.
Mom also has lots of time to gossip and complain. She complained about the incident to everyone, even her friends. Then one of her busybodied friends told her to disappear for a few days to teach her daughter a lesson. She mentioned this to my aunt, and my aunt told her not to do such silly thing. Mom then said she will not tell aunt any more things, for aunt will for sure tell me in turn. That was probably the reason why she kept aunt in the dark too about her whereabouts.
(That meddlesome friend of hers deserves a big slap. No, make it two big slaps. What are we? Teenagers?)
Then i checked her mobile phone to see if my missed calls from Thursday were still shown on her mobile phone's screen. All that were shown were the missed calls from Friday itself, which means that she did check her mobile phone on Thursday, saw the missed calls from me, but never returned my calls. This was unlike her, as she will always return my call if she misses it.
I also checked her room and bathroom. Her toiletries and beauty care products were gone. Apparently she had packed her daily necessities and planned to be away for a few days.
She finally appeared somewhere yesterday. She went to uncle's place in SG in the morning and left in the afternoon. After she left, my SG aunt called and said mom would be coming home. But then, she did not show up until now.
2ns aunt also told me that mom had passed to her the taichi recording that they would play every morning. Mom was the one who is in charge of the recoding and player for the group of elderly who practice taichi every morning. Aunt said mom told her to take care of it until Monday morning, which means that she would not be around until Monday.
As all the pieces were put together, it was clear that she would not be home at all for this weekend. It was either she didn't wanna see me, or she hoped to make me feel guilty by pulling this disappearing act.
Did i feel bad that day after having the arguement with her? For sure i did.
I was wrong in raising my voice, BUT not in the things i said to her. She was being terribly unreasonable. It doesn't mean that i should accept her senselessness just because she was my mom.
Was i worried about her disappearance? For sure i was.
The public security in JB is so bad now. I wouldn't know if anything bad has happened to her. If she doesn't wanna see me, she could have told me and i could just stay in SG over weekends until she gets over the incident. The house in JB belongs to her. If she is unhappy, i should be the one who should go away, not her. She is already 60 years old and i wouldn't want anything to happen to her or she tires herself out for running away from home.
Would i apologise to her over the incident? For sure i WON'T.
Mom has always been the kind of person who always demands everything to be the way she wants. Everything must be her way, or else she would just throw her tantrums around and do all kinds of things trying to make people feel bad. I wasn't wrong in telling her off when she was being unreasonable. Not everything has to be exactly the way she demanded.
If i were wrong in any way, it would be how i spoke to her, not what i said to her. However, to tell her that "mom i am sorry for raising my voice but i am not sorry for pointing out your nonsense" will only make her angrier. To simply say a "sorry" will only make her thinks that she isn't wrong in any way, and continues to think that the world should revolves around her. Hence the only thing to do now is not to say anything.
She is my mom, the person who gave me life and brought me up, so for sure i love her. But being my mom does not mean that she is a perfect person; it does not mean that she is free from all character flaws; it does not mean that i have to condone her wayward behaviours. I can love her despite her faults, but i cannot simply do everything the way she wants, knowing that it is wrong. Being filial is one thing, being foolishly filial is another.
Sigh, as if my life isn't already filled with enough pressure, problems and unhappiness, she gotta join in the fun and add more to it. I'm not sure how long this is gonna last, but i simply don't have the energy to play all these games with my own mom. We are mother and daughter for God's sake! This kind of game is way too immature for our age.
I guess i will just have to let time pass and wait for her to simmer down.
Labels: family
