What i'm referring to is this:
Conditional suspension of an offender's sentence upon the promise of good behaviour and agreement to accept supervision and abide by specified requirements (Source)
People who are convicted of an offence or crime may be put on probation on the condition that they must behave accordingly and report to a supervisor periodically.
Why there is such sentencing in law? Wikipedia provides an explanation:
Probation began as a humanitarian effort to allow first-time and minor offenders a second chance. Early probationers were expected not only to obey the law but also to behave in a morally acceptable fashion. Officers sought to provide moral leadership to help shape probationers' attitudes and behavior with respect to family, religion, employment, and free time. They aimed to ensure that this was enforced as well, and early probationers were given the opportunity to prove themselves and possibly even reduce their sentence.
(Ok, what i'm about to write here had already been talked about a hundred, no, a thousand times. It's not that i like to repeat myself all the time; it's just that situation is going in circle sometimes that my thoughts are also in a spiral.)
That's the thing. A person who has made a mistake gotta prove himself that he genuinely understands the seriousness of the wrong that he has committed, truthfully feels remorse and sincerely wants to repent. To do all these, he has to go through the process of probation to prove to the law and society that he has indeed changed for the better and will never commit similar offence again.
Unfortunately, 贝 does not seem to understand that he, too, is under probation. And the period of probation may last for months or even years, depending on his behaviours. He doesn't seem to realise that by willingly going through the probation and not violating or challenging the rules, the sentence will be shortened a lot and good time will await him.
He has committed several offences to the law of love and marriage. He is given a chance to make amends, to prove to his wife, the probation officer, that he will do whatever it takes to make her trust him again, to rebuild the marriage for the better. Yet, he does not seem to agree that this is necessary. He seems to think that this probation is ridiculous and he is being forced into doing so.
Now, what did i ask him to do that were deemed so unacceptable?
I demanded him to show me his phone bills; i wanted his initiatives in showing me his sms and call records, and to put my mind at ease by telling me where he goes and with whom he is with.
Yeah, we have never been like that previously. I have always been a girlfriend and wife who trusted her man 100%. But you gotta know that once the trust had been abused and broken, it has to be earned back bit-by-bit.
Yet, he was unhappy about this and gave me that kind of "whatever" and "do i have a choice" kind of attitude. He even started deleting his calls and sms logs in his mobile phones after knowing that i looked at it. What does it translate to me then? It's either he still has things to hide from me, or it is his way of silently showing me his disgruntlement.
Well, this only shows that he doesn't really think of what he has done as that serious at all. He probably feels that his punishment outweighs the crime too much.
It is sad that to this day, he still does not see this crucial point -- this is not a punishment at all but a second chance to salvage our marriage. This chance of probation does not come easy; everything he does can simply make it or break it. He should cherish and appreciate it, instead of feeling resentful and tortured.
I've made it clear to him that i will evaluate him on every move he makes during the probation I've explained to him that doing this is solely for building up my trust and confidence. It is for our marriage. It won't be forever if i found him can be trusted again. This is the whole idea of a probation -- it is not permanent. Moreover, i'm not that kind of woman who likes to check on her man anyway. I am simply too lazy and unwomanly to do all that.
In fact, if he were more sincere (oh yes, this word again), he would have known that these are the right things to do without even me telling him. I mean, how else do you want to build back the trust if not by action? Talk is cheap, you know, and more so after all the lies and heartaches.
So really, it baffles me that why such simple acts have to be forced upon him, and why is it so difficult for him to see the point? I'd think anyone who truely wants to make amends would have thought about it.
Then it dawned on me that the reason is very simple -- because he is a man. Men put ego and their own freedom above anything and anyone else, including the wife and the marriage. If he had thought of doing all that, he would have been a woman.
Labels: rant
