On the cover, it says:
My lifetime Commitment to You
And the wedding vow that we gave to each other:
I promise to love you... and be faithful to you so long as we both shall live
Yes, he does not understand that this is a promise of eternity to each other, so sacred that it's not just about the legality, or putting the signatures onto the cert, or about able to buy a HDB flat and sharing financial burden. He does not understand at all the part about "lifetime commitment" and to love and be faithful to each other as long as we shall live.
To him, marriage seems to be just a piece of paper that needs not be taken too seriously, that the lives of the two individuals are still independent from each other and can do whatever the person desires. He has no appreciation of love and marriage at all, despite giving me the false impression over all those years that he fully understood it.
When the affair just started, or even until now, whenever i or anyone else (such as his parents and siblings) told him to wake up and be wary of these China massage women, he would keep on defending her with all kinds of reasons, such as she is actually a simple and innocent woman who do not know how to reject people (and hence that was why she let the men caress her breasts during massage because she does not know how to say no to the men when they asked), she actually does not like what she does and is doing it for her family, she is very sincere and truthful to him in telling him everything about herself, she has never asked for money from him, she knew that he's not rich but she still be with him, bla bla bla...
The thing is this: there is no need to justify anything for her, because what the f*ck does it have to do with him whether or not this woman is really good or bad? HE IS A MARRIED MAN! So even if this woman is an angel, that has absolutely nothing to do with him anymore.
And even if that woman indeed is what everything that he said she is, so what? There are thousands, or maybe even hundred thousands of such women in the world. So is he gonna distribute his love for all of them?
Marriage is a commitment and promise to another person to love and be faithful to him/her forever. Both parties should not and must not fall for another person anymore.
And the ironic part is that all these qualities that he mentioned about being nice, being innocent, being not knowing how to reject people, willing to sacrifice for the loved ones, being sincere and truthful to him, never ask for money and willing to be with him despite his financial status... HELLLOOOOOO, doesn't his wife having the exact same qualities and doing the exact same thing for the past 8 long years? In fact, the wife did more than that; for one, will this woman share financial burden with him in life, or willing to work hard together for their future, or rather go for "quick money"?
Furthermore, everything about the wife is confirmed genuine and truthful because he knows everything about the wife and have been together for so long, while there are still doubtful points about that woman, for he cannot really be 100% sure of what she said is all truth except based on his f*cking gut feel which are already all messed up by this woman's tactics in hooking men.
And even if there are still a lot of other qualities that this woman has that the wife lacks, so what? Is there a perfect person in this world? Doesn't this woman also lacks a lot of qualities that the wife possesses? And even if this woman indeed is perfect, it's back to the same question again: what the f*ck has it gotta do with him since he is already MARRIED?!!!!
Basically, he just can't accept himself to be one of those typical lousy man who does not understand the meaning of love and marriage, who wants passion, excitement, and freshness from woman in life, who cannot love just one single woman forever, who is mesmerised by the TLC tactics and sexual moves of those China women. He just can't face himself being such kind of man, whom he had always criticised before when we were together. That was why i had thought that he was not like those men, for he did criticise them before. It turned out, he did the exact, or even worse things that those men.
Really, sometimes i do believe that i know him more than he knows himself. He just refuses to face the ugly facts that he has all the weaknesses in men. He just can't accept the fact that he had thrown away himself all the good things he already held in his hand for a woman who actually does not worth it at all. Now that it has come to this, the more that his ego does not allow him to admit that he has seen wrongly about her, even if there are concrete signs that are already so obvious in front of his eyes; the more he needs to believe that she worth all that he lost, otherwise he'd appear as so foolish and he can't face himself to be just another man whom we read or heard about, who ended up with broken family and miserable life because of being mesmerised by these China women.
As long as he continues to refuse seeing the truth about himself, he can never become a better person. That really saddens me; i had hoped that both of us can walk hand-in-hand in life and improve our lives as well as ourselves along the way. Now, i'll continue on in striving to become a better being, but i'm gonna leave him behind already. He'd have to help himself out, as i won't be there with him anymore.
As for the marriage cert, i'm gonna keep it in my deepest drawer and never look at it again until the time comes for divorce.
Labels: rant
