Darn, spent three hours to listen to 2 hours of recording, as i need to stop at certain places to take note, or to rewind due to loss of concentration or unclear recording.
I found that American accent is really difficult to understand sometimes, especially there's this lady with a very strong American accent and i couldn't get what she said most of the time.
I am doom. I know i am.
I guess i'll just have to send out whatever i can complete, and wait for the negative feedback.
I reap what i sow, even though the root cause originated from the extramarital affair. It would be so much easier if i just put all blame on YY, but deep down in my heart i know that i can blame no one if i was the one who is emotionally weak.
Yes, he hurt and betrayed me, but who asked me to love him so deeply and built my world around him that my mental and physical well-beings were adversely affected because of losing him. Who asked me to blindly love him for so many years and never did realise his real characters and the high possibilities of him doing the horrible things that he did to me.
I chose to let myself fall so deeply; i chose to love a person with all my heart and soul; i chose to believe the good in him and make him perfect in my heart; i chose to make him the origins of my happiness. All these choices resulted in my agony now, and also affect my job performance. I have to be responsible for my own choices and no one else.
Oh well, let whatever coming my way come to me, good or bad. If my life has not hit rock bottom yet, and the worst is yet to arrive, then let it arrive. That which doesn't kill me, will make me stronger. Unless i really die from this series of bad episodes in life, i'll hang in there no matter how much sufferings i'm going through.
I'll do it for my family and friends who love me so much. I can't give up on myself... at least not yet.
Labels: introspection, work
