...many years ago when my girlfriend was out with another guy on a trip, it was unbearable so i'm not gonna make light of your feelings... but what made me get over it is that everything i have done and not done, led her to make a decision to go on that trip. I really felt angry at that point, but it soon gave way to Realization - that her heart is no longer with me, else even the little things i do would move her...
Life is such... if a person loves u, even buying breakfast for them touches them... if the person no longer loves u, moving mountains is gonna make them feel that you're being pathetic and trying too hard, or even making them go on a guilt trip.
I think this pretty much explained my situation back then too. Despite having hurt by him with the affair, i still love him and put his interest in front of mine, but he could not see it anymore. Why? Simply, he does not love me anymore and his heart is with another already.
People can say all they want, but your husband has gone beyond society's views of what's right/what's wrong to find his happiness. 90% of the forummers here are still finding their perceived happiness living by society's rules of right/wrongs. As for you, you're in the middle but closer to the 90%. Once you've crossed over, you will know what i mean.
He's happy with that lady, he's not feeling guilty, the only negative feeling is probably regret towards you and kids... REGRETS, NOT GUILT. Regrets means he knows what he wants to do, and he will regrettably do it against all of society's idea that it's wrong, because he feels right in doing so. It comes from within, it comes from the spirit, ungoverned by laws and education.
Simply put, it comes from love. This is very much like what EY told me about love is illogical. We were taught of moral values, what's right and wrong through education and social conditioning. When we can think logically, we know that it is wrong and we should not and must not do it. Yet, when we don't think but feel, when we don't behave with logical mind but with illogical feeling, we would just do what feels right and happy.
Of course, i do not entirely agree to this kind of thought, because it hovers dangerously around condoning criminal behaviours even. I mean, if a guy rapes a girl simply because he feels right and happy in doing so, and disregard laws and morals, then this world is gonna be a horrible place.
I think the part about "it comes from within, it comes from the spirit" is the essence. If everyone has a good, righteous and kind internal self and spirit, then what comes from within and from the spirit will naturally be right and moral, not needing any social or legal restriction to it. Then we will only pursue the right things, and only the right things will make us happy.
So what's most important is to build a healthy internal self, and then only we will walk the right path in life.
