I was still writing emails to YY... all kinds of emails - words of advice, concerns, sarcasm, reproach...
It doesn't matter what he feels about the emails anymore. Whether he will hate me or be mad over my various insensible emails, i don't really care. I'll just do whatever that can make me feel better and help my healing process.
Let it all out, all the negative feelings. Let it all out, all the hurt inside of me. Cry my eyes out if i want to; do not eat anything if i don't feel like to; stay awake if i can't sleep; don't work if i can't concentrate. Just do whatever i want, whichever way i want it.
But there should be a time limit to all these. Cling on to whatever i can't let go just for a while, and then when the time is up, let go and move on. I have to do that, if not for myself, at least for the people who love me.
It is not the time yet, and i'll do my best to shorten the time with the help of the people around me and with the help of God.
Until then, i'll be this crazy, self-pitied, irrational woman who harass her irresponsible, selfish husband who had betrayed and hurt her deeply.
Labels: introspection
