Cogito ergo scribo

God did not make this constant heartache goes away last night. I woke up with it still, if not worse.

This is my first business trip after the discovery of the whole truth and realisation that 贝 is forever out of my life already.

I miss the feeling of going on business trip when everything was still all rosy. I'd miss 贝 very much, even when i'm just at the airport.

Now, i still miss him very much, actually even more than before. Yet, it was not the kind of sweetness and loving feelings that filled my heart anymore, knowing that there's always a person i loved and who loved me, missing and waiting for me at home. Instead, the feeling now was very miserable; heartache, depressed, and as if can just break down and cry anytime.

It's a kind of loneliness that filled my heart now, as if the heart is hollow and hurting. I keep pushing my limits on withstanding this heartache... but how far can a person endure? Is my capacity of endurance limitless? Maybe what i am going through now is meant to be a test of it. Then i'll just have to wait and see when it will actually reach its limit.

Labels: life, love