I had more or less cleared my personal stuff from our home (it is heart-wrenching when i call it "our home"). What's left is just some kitchen utensils that we took from JB and should be returned.
Before i left, i talked to YY briefly and he again raised up the issues about my mom calling and scolding his mother, and also i threatened him to swear with his family's life in front of Buddha of Hell that he did not have sex with that woman.
The latter event was when i discovered the pictures of him and her together, smiling happily, with the dates of his first and second KL trips when he lied that he went there alone. He had been lying and lying and lying, kept insisting that he did not went with her, and did not have sex with her, even with the evidence that i found (and he called me a thief for finding the evidence!).
I knew that he believed in Buddha (which is ironic, for if he REALLY believes in Buddhism, he would not have done anything that he did, especially committing adultery which is such a terrible sin), and hence i know that my threat will work, for he will not dare to do that and bring harm to his family due to his lies. I also said to him that i will do the same oath too, with my own and my whole family's life, that i've never ever have sex with any other men since i am with him.
(See, because i'm having a clear conscience, i even offered myself to have such cruel oath. Yet, he is guilty and that's why he holds the grudges, for he worries that if indeed anything unfortunate happens, it would be his fault.)
Then true enough, he relented and finally confessed.
But he held this against me, and accused me of being cruel. He said i could have just used his life for the swearing instead of involved his family. He said i (and my mom, for that matter), should just leave his family alone, out of this whole affair. It's funny that he even said that, for i'm sure that if i had told him to swear against his life only, he wouldn't have cared and would still lie through his teeth. Before my discovery of the truth, he had actually told me several times that he knew that he would have severe divine punishments in future due to the sins he had committed (at that time, i thought he was referring to having the emotional affair and hurting me). Even knowing that and thinking that, he still continued on nonetheless, apparently giving up his own future well-being for immediate current gratification. So really, just using his own life for the oath, he will tell the truth too? Who is he kidding?
Furthermore, it was just a threat, at the fit of anger. A person as soft-hearted as me, i might not actually carry it out. I mean, can you imagine me tying him up, transporting him to the temple and forcing him to swear?
From how he is still holding the unfounded grudges against me and my mom, it is extremely obvious that he has no remorse at all. He still does not see it as entirely his responsibility; a person who does will know that everything is originated from his doing. He is the one who had caused ALL these, who had inflicted pain and harm to everyone.
And the more he does not understand is that marriage is NOT about two person living together only. It is the union of two families, not just two individuals. If it is, what is the point of going through the tea ceremonies and acknowledging the other's parents as our own? So when a marriage is destroyed, so does the harmony of the two families.
He doesn't understand that, like it or not, whatever we do will bring glory or shame to our families, especially our parents. He should have thought of all these before he indulged himself in the love/lust affair. He had no thought for his family at all but was only thinking about his own gratification at that time. Now that he had caused the agony for his parents, he then started to blame others for reacting to his indecent behaviours -- yes, it is a REACTION. All these were the reflective actions of his actions. So what rights does he have to blame or even to be angry at any of these?
Again, a display of his selfish thinking and selfish actions.
I've given up the hope that he would understand all these. I do not even want to attempt to make him understand anymore, for he simply wouldn't, probably for the rest of his life.
Labels: rant
