This was what happened to me actually. When i first got to know about the affair, i blamed myself for spending too much time on my job and not giving YY enough attention.
But then, even though most relationships fail because of both parties, to generalise it is actually a misconception. It's on a presumption that if everything goes perfectly in a marriage, then no parties will go off track. This is assuming that if we live in a perfect world and then everyone will behave perfectly.
This kind of misconception has actually somewhat given a justification to people having affair, thinking that "hey, it is not me but the problems in our relationship!". That is sometimes they would not feel remorseful or repent, for they do not think that they have to bear the full responsibilities.
Our changing society and value systems (deteriorating moral values) have a lot to contribute to the high rate of infidelity and failure in marriages nowadays.
Most people want to believe that extramarital affairs happen when a relationship has a problem. However, that is not entirely true. While it is true that some people get drawn to people other than their partner when their marriage is on the rocks, there are times when people indulge in extramarital affairs because they do not seem to see any harm in it. Therefore, lack of commitment or character can make a person indulge in extramarital affair.
Let us not forget the individualistic pleasures that the society of today encourages us to indulge in. The society that we live in lays a huge emphasis on personal happiness and self-gratification. This thought has got so ingrained in people’s mind that they do not want to deal with any kind of unhappiness in a marriage. Therefore, people tend to run away to the first person that helps them take their mind off this unhappiness. In order to gain momentary happiness, people tend to sacrifice a lifetime of smiles and bliss.
Quoted from this site.
In my case, it is even more unfair to me.
You know, if i spent so much time on work because i am a very ambitious person who wants to climb high in the corporate ladder, than i'd say i'm partly to be blamed.
Yet, last year, i actually felt tired at my job too. As it was a new set-up and we were short-handed, i was taking on a lot of work. The frequent travelling was also very tiring for me. I had actually thought of looking for other jobs several times, and talked to YY about it. But then, his career wasn't looking too good and he told me that we couldn't afford to lose my side of income (since i earn more) if we were to maintain our lifestyle. So i would have to stay on no matter how unhappy i was in the job. Basically, i was doing it for our current and future life together.
In the end, it was exactly because of this that he felt neglected and fell for the China woman who could devote all her attention on him to make sure he is hooked at all times. So, i worked and worked and worked, not for my own ambition but for our future, yet i was penalised for it?
It really feels like i give my everything and in the end not only i got nothing in return, i was actually deeply hurt. I spent so much time in preparing for the wedding and so much money on the HDB unit. Now, my marriage is gone and i don't get to stay in the home i paid (and still paying) for anymore. My job is also on the line now because of my inability to concentrate on my work.
So for truly loving a person with all my life, what do i get in the end? I lost everything. I got myself in debt, without a home of my own to stay in, loneliness and eternal heartache.
Is nothing good really will ever come out of loving a person wholeheartedly? Do we all have to be selfish beings just so that we will be happy and don't get hurt (and become the one hurting others instead, like YY and that China woman, who are both selfish people to their core)? What's wrong with wanting to be a good person really?
This world has gone crazy. I hate it.
