I have some theories about why i'm being a night owl, but then it doesn't really help by merely theorising it and yet do nothing about it.
Anyway, here are my theories:
- I've been working late in the office everyday and when i got back to my rented place it's already late too. But i still spend the same amount of time doing whatever crap i'm doing every night after work (don't ask me what crap... frankly, i also don't know), and that's why it kinda push back my bed time too.
- Subconsciously i wanted to deprive myself of sleep just so that i am tired all the time. In this way, i do not have to stay wide awake in bed thinking of things that i shouldn't be thinking about, and my mind will also not be in the most alert stage during my waking hours so that my ability to feel also diminishes.
- Subconsciously i'm intentionally causing harm to myself by not getting sufficient rest as a way of slowly committing suicide.
(Ok, before anyone jumps on this, note that this is just my theory. My conscious mind isn't thinking this, but then who knows what my subconscious mind is doing?). - It has become a bad habit.
Whatever it is, i know that it will take conscious effort to stop this behaviour. And of course, lots of will-power and determination too, which is definitely something i'm not very good at.
Labels: introspection
