Our decision is known among my friends, and i had also told my mom about it. Understandably, she couldn't come to terms with my decision. As for 贝's parents, i'm not sure if they can indeed accept that, even though 贝 think that they won't mind since his elder brother already has a son.
A friend of mine once said to me that having kids is not just for ourselves. It's also a form of filial piety; it's our duty as children to give our parents the joy of having grandchildren. Perhaps he's right, but then for this gift of joy that we wanna give our parents, there comes huge responsibility and financial burden.
Yes, having kids is a huge responsibility. Perhaps too huge for me. Even if i indeed can teach my kids well, there are other considerations as well. What if they are born with problems that couldn't be detected before birth? What if they get to know some bad companies and become bad persons? What if i leave them to the nanny or maid and they are abused? What if i leave them to the grandparents and they become terrible little spoilt brats (grandparents are known to pamper the grandchildren beyond reasonable limit)?
And i've always disagreed with parents just give birth and then leave the kids to be taken care of by the grandparents. Our parents had spent their younger lives raising us, and now we expect them to take care of our kids too in their old age? They should be enjoying their lives in relaxation and not having the burden of taking care of little children again. Anyone who has taken care of kids full-time should know how tiring and stressful it is.
There is of course the option of giving up my job and be a full-time housewife. But then, this means i will have to be dependent on my husband. What if something happens to him? Haven't we seen a lot of those tear-jerking stories on the charity shows about some families falling into financial woes after the sole breadwinner was retrenched, fell sick or died? And the gossip about a husband abandoned his family for a mistress, and then the wife and children lost the source of income totally because she hadn't been working since married? All these hypothetical scenarios aside, the reality is that with the current high cost of living, it's extremely difficult, if not impossible, to raise a family with single household income (of course unless the breadwinner is in the top management earning more than 20K every month).
Yes, i know many people are doing that. Many middle-class families only have the husbands working and some even have 5 kids, yet they can still survive. Yes, that's the thing you see -- survive. Everybody can survive in this world, but how about quality life? We only live once. Is surviving all that we aim for? Imagine how hard the husband has to work to ensure his job is not lost. Think about how much pressure there is for the parents to constantly worry about not having enough money for their kids' future...
With children, 贝 and i would have to forego many things because we would have to save save save save save for their future. Forget about going to restaurants; forget about playing golf; forget about going for holidays; forget about getting new gadgets or clothings for ourselves. Basically, just forget about having a life of our own anymore because we would have to start living for our children. Sorry, life's too short. I wanna live for myself and not anyone else.
I'm being too pessimistic? Maybe. I'm too selfish? Perhaps. But all for valid reasons.
Labels: opinion
