I would do the latter. It's not that i don't care about my friends; it's because i care and so i think i should respect their privacy.
No matter how close we are with a friend, there bound to be certain part of his life that he prefers not to share with others, just as we do too. If he chooses to keep that certain aspect of his life private, then i think as a friend, we should respect that decision and not to probe.
Of course, some people may argue that true friends should be genuine and truthful to each other. If we pretend that we know nothing and act normal, then we are actually deceiving them. That's not what true friends should do.
Well, i think we gotta strike a balance between truthfulness and respect. If the friend voluntarily divulges the secret to us and seek for our help or advice, we should definitely be as truthful as we can. Yet, if our friend doesn't come to us and shows no sign of needing help, then i think it's an utter lack of respect to poke our nose into something that our friend has preferred to keep veiled. After all, how can you help a person who doesn't think that he needs help, or who's unwilling to seek help? Isn't there a saying about we can't help those who don't want to be helped? So why do we have to be so
If, with our best judgement, we sense that our friend is falling into depression, we can take a milder approach by spending more time with him and talking to him. We can ask if he's troubled and if he wants to share with us or talk about it. In short, we just show our concern and care without being too probing. Sometimes, we can help even without knowing the details of the secret. Letting our friend know that we'll always be there whenever he needs us is often sufficient to help him through difficult times.
I don't really see how helpful it can be by telling a friend who has been keeping a secret that, "hey, i heard that you bla-bla-bla-bla-bla-bla... Now i have established that i'm in the know, you can tell me more so that i can help you". Do we seriously think that the friend would then immediately spill the beans and cry for our help, when in the first place he has been trying hard to keep the matter concealed? I feel that the intention may be good, but the approach is less than desirable.
Not asking much doesn't mean that i don't care. Not saying much doesn't mean that i'm being untruthful. Words are spoken when wanted; help is extended when needed; presence is felt when required; respect is given when expected. That, is what i believe, should be the kind of care and truthfulness for friendships.
Labels: friendship, opinion
