This probably means that i am a person destined to be forever void of happiness, as the truth always hurts, very much. Especially for a person like me, who has always hope for an ideal world, who always want to believe in the goodness of people, the imperfections of human beings and the cruel world will only shatter my dream over and over again.
With more and more things discovered about the affair, i am slowly putting the puzzle pieces together now. Some of YY's behaviours that baffled me earlier seem to be clear to me now. His many lies have come to light and i'm beginning to realise that i really had wasted the past three months. The first wave of sufferings was actually pointless.
Yes, my first reaction to the affair was the correct one; i really should have divorce there and then instead of waiting for him to turn back. Actually there was already no turning back at all, no matter what i do or not do. When love is no longer present, there is nothing anyone can do to salvage anything anymore.
No, on second thought, the past few months may not really be wasted at all. I'd have all the "what-if's" in my mind forever if i really did not go through this period of time. I may die thinking that we could have had a chance of reconciliation. Now, even though all the cheating and lying pierced through my heart deeply, at least i know that i'd never live to regret the decision i've made. When i die, i can hold my head up high and tell myself that i've really done my best all my life.
In addition, contrary to what everyone is saying, now i start to believe that YY will most probably not regret anything that had happened. Not that he has no remorse, but if what he lost now is not the one and only true love of his life, then what is there to be regretful about? He will continue to find love, and to find happiness. And sincerely from the bottom of my heart, i wish him to find it... while i hope i'll finally find mine one day too.
If two persons, once loved each other so deeply, could not be happy together, and one party no longer feels the love, then why force it? Let's just be happy apart.
There are still some pieces of puzzle that i do not have and probably will never complete. But then, it is unimportant already. I've known enough to be sure that it is really time to let go... very soon.
Labels: love
