I'm the kind of audience who does not only listen to the music, but more importantly i always appreciate the lyrics of the songs. For a lot of 五月天's songs, the lyrics are very well-written. Both YY and i had even discussed about it before.
Yes, at that time, i didn't know that all those songs were actually their theme songs that signified their forbidden love. The two 贝s do not even have any theme song after so many years, and yet their love was so beautiful to them that they felt the world was singing about it.
YY especially liked the song "知足", which he would listen over and over again. He had mentioned to me before that he could feel the sadness in the song; the selfless love that was being portrayed in it; the part whereby you love a person and yet could not be with her forever.
如果我爱上你的笑容
要怎么收藏要怎么拥有
如果你快乐不是为我
会不会放手其实才是拥有
当一阵风吹来风筝飞上天空
为了你而祈祷而祝福而感动
终于你身影消失在人海尽头
才发现笑着哭最痛
那天你和我那个山丘
那样的唱着那一年的歌
那样的回忆那么足够
足够我天天都品尝着寂寞
He claimed that he fell in love with her because of her cheerfulness. Then i realised that when he listened to this song, he was actually thinking about her smiles, of which he loved so much and didn't know how to keep it.
And the part where it talks about the mere memories of them would be sufficient for him to saviour the loneliness everyday, he was thinking about their forbidden love, whereby he knew that he could never be with her but as long as they had the happiest moments in his life together, he would hold on to the memories forever and would have lived without regrets (只在乎曾经拥有).
The ironic part is this: over all the past 8 years, he had always told me repeatedly that his love for me was greater than anything, even himself. He said his love for me is the kind of selfless love (大爱), that he'd just want me to be happy more than anything else in this world.
It turned out, his so-called selfless love is actually meant for that woman, while to me, it's nothing but extreme selfishness.
And me? I've never told him all these things; i've never told him in words that how great my love is for him, especially not repeatedly saying "i love you" or "i miss you" umpteen times every single day like that woman did. What i did was to show my love through my actions. To me, words mean nothing. Nothing speaks louder than the act itself.
I've told him before that if that woman really loves him that much, she would have never wanted to ruin his future, and make him a cheater, a liar and a sinner. No matter how hurtful she may be in stopping the relationship, she would still do it. And to this, again, i'd roll my eyes at mentioning she would be very "hurt". Let's put aside about she being the China woman who does exotic massage, by the time she knew that he is a married man, they had only started the courtship (and only met up several times and no sex yet) for slightly more than a month only. Someone please seriously tell me that if she were to stop at that time, she would go through the same excruciating heartache that is worse than death as what i'm going through now?
Of course, after they've gotten deeper into their relationship a month later, i can't be sure about this anymore, but she could have stopped from her side at that time (as it's very obvious that the guy cannot stop, otherwise he wouldn't have taken the first move), if she really did care about him and is really a so-called good woman.
You see, love is not possessive. I've told YY before, true love is selflessness and giving (真爱是无私与奉献). True love is really about putting the person's happiness ahead of your own.
If all the woman cared about is only to be with him so that she can feel happy and he can feel happy (temporarily as there are a lot more problems that come with it), then it's possessiveness and not true love.
A pity that he had never realised what is true love. I doubt he will ever understand, for maybe to him, true love is about wanting to see a person, missing a person, longing to be with her, making the person happy superficially, and having the sexual desire for her.
My true love for him was chucked away for something superficial. Sometimes i do not know if my deep sorrow comes from losing the person i truly love, or from not having the person i truly love to understand that how much i love him.
Probably it's both.
Labels: love
