Then after a few months, because i have fat fingers and wearing the wedding band was uncomfortable, i put it onto a silver chain and wore it like a necklace.
Beginning this year, YY suddenly stopped wearing the wedding band totally. I didn't pay much attention to it even though i wasn't too happy about it, but now i looked back, i realised that it was because he wanted to pretend to be single for courting that woman, (or rather, he hoped that he was still single!).
When the affair was in the open, i returned the wedding band to him and told him to put it back onto my finger when his heart has finally come back to me totally. I hope to take it as a gesture that he was "remarrying" me and it would be really forever.
Of course, he never put it back on me, as probably he couldn't really turn back his heart totally. Now, the wedding band is with him, and i do not know what he intend to do with it. I doubt he would give it to that woman because we had our names engraved. There's a diamond on the ring, so probably he could make a new ring out of it. Anyway, it was a ring that i wore on my finger for less than three months. It's also something that i will forever not wear again.
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I am not the kind of woman who would put pictures in my wallet.
For my first boyfriend, we never kept the pictures of each other in our wallets.
But YY is the type who would do this.
I remember that when we were back in Munich as colleagues, He opened his wallet at a cashier and i saw a picture of a girl. It was just a quick glance and i didn't see it carefully. I think it was the picture of his first girlfriend. So despite his claim that the two of them were already in bad terms before he fell for me, he was still having her picture in his wallet. So whether with or without feelings, he would still put the photo of his girlfriend in his wallet.
Then after we were together, he put our photo in his wallet, and i did the same too. We even changed our pictures several times over the years, whenever we had taken good pictures together on our travel trips.
So after the final decision had been made, i removed our photo from my wallet.
Now it's empty, just like my heart.
As for him, i believe that this spot in the wallet has already been replaced by the picture of that woman, or their photo together.
Do i feel sad? For sure i do.
But then, it is something that i will have to accept. I will have to constantly remind myself that the marriage has come to an end (even though the formality will not be done until two years later), and i ought to stop feeling anything about what he did or did not do, and who he loves and who he is with.
I have to let him fade out of my life, and fade out of my heart. The former can be done with sufficient self-control, but the latter, gee, it's not that easy. It's gonna take a lot of time, and i seriously do not know how long. I just hope it won't be too long.
Labels: love
