Am missing 贝 dearly, as usual.
Perhaps he has already gotten used to not having me around and enjoying his "bachelor" life again, but what he doesn't know is that i still miss him the same, despite it has been so many months that we live apart. My love for him has not diminished, even though i wish that i could stop loving him at this very instant.
A friend told me that i should not force myself not to love him. She said just let it be. If i miss him and still love him, just let the feeling be there even though it's agonising. This is part of the trial that i have to go through in life. Slowly, bit-by-bit, i will surely get better. It may not necessarily mean that i can really stop loving him, but perhaps by that time, i can transcend the agony of lost love to true manifestation of selfless love whereby i can love him from afar and wish for his happiness.
Yeah, she's probably right. Love is not something that comes with a switch that can be turned on and off just like that. It's actually like the water in a stream, which will keep flowing and flowing. There is no way for us to stop the water from flowing, unless one day the stream actually dries up and there is no more water in it.
So the thing is not about stop loving him and then be happy. It's more about how to be happy regardless.
Labels: love
