Too sad, too many things on my mind...
Since the onset of this event, i've not had a real good night's sleep at all. Despite that, i've not taken a single sleeping pill nor had any alcoholic drinks. I do not want myself to become reliant on these addictives, especially when i'm desperately in need of sleep and my mind is weak. I may just get addicted easily.
So you see, my mind may be not strong enough (yet) to not think about the past and the unhappy events, but my will-power is strong enough to carry me on to the right path.
I'd be lying if i say that there have absolutely been no occassion where i actually thought of hurting myself during this whole ordeal. Of course i had those bad flashes, like cutting myself with knife or jump out of the window when i looked out from the room where i stayed before. But then, my will power managed to stop myself from actually carrying it out; i quickly switched my thought to my family and friends, and i constantly reminded myself of the moral value that i strongly believed in, "do unto others as you would have others do unto you." I'd never want any of my love ones to harm themselves, as this would simply break my heart. Hence i would never do that to them either.
So i gotta keep myself sober. I must keep my head clear so that i'll be able to discern negative thinking and stop it in time.
It's gonna be a long journey, but i'm gonna walk it the right way.
Labels: love
