The thing is this, when you truely love someone, you will not be able to stop loving the person just with a snap of the fingers. On the contrary, the more you love a person and you are not with him, the more you will miss him. Such feelings will not go away just like yet; it actually deepens with time and tear your heart apart.
I still miss 贝 very much everyday, and everyday i'm tortured by the thoughts of him but at the same time also the thoughts of his betrayal. I always have to do my very best to stop myself from contacting him, telling myself that no good will come out of it if i cling on to my emotional attachement to him. I asked myself what the point is for still contacting him, other than making myself more difficult to let go. It's just like a drug; if i give in to my urge or desire, it will only do me more harm.
Probably that was why my heart was filled with sorrow today, knowing that i'm going to the other side of the globe. I used to look forward to going to new places, whether for work or for leisure. Now, anywhere i go does not make any difference anymore. I do not have a home to come back to anymore, so everywhere can be my home, and yet no where is really my home.
Labels: love
