I think, therefore I write. (我思,所以我写。)

Cogito ergo scribo

Monday, October 12, 2009

Lover becomes tears

Heard the song "那女孩对我说" on the radio the other day. My 贝 and i liked this song.

Part of the lyric goes like this:

一个人心中只有一个宝贝 久了之后她变成了眼泪
泪一滴在左手凝固成为寂寞 往回看有什么

When we first heard this, we laughed at it because we were each other's 宝贝. Then i said to him that one day he will become 眼泪, and then jokingly called him "泪" instead (since we called each other "贝" for short).

True enough, after a long while, my 贝 did indeed turn into tears, and then solidified into my loneliness.

I know i've written this many times, but really, who can tell me that how long does it take to stop loving a person, stop missing him, stop worrying about him, and stop wondering about what he is doing every single day?

How long does it take to accept whole-heartedly that the person you love had stopped loving you, that the marriage you thought would last a lifetime is over, and that sooner or later you would be out of his mind and out of his life totally?

How long does it take for a person to really let go of the past totally, and not be haunted and hurt by it anymore?

How long does it take to be truly happy without a shred of sorrow anymore?

When my mind is tormented with questions such as these, and i hope to get the answers that simply do not exist, i could only keep telling myself to stop all these thoughts and focus on some other things.

But then, our minds work in a strange way. We can consciously do our best to control it, yet it would still wonder off by itself when we weren't paying attention. It drains the energy out of you when you gotta constantly keep it in control, because this means that you simply can't let it rest for the fear that those thoughts would return.

I am just so tired.


Share your cogitation

Monday, October 12, 2009 @ 3:25 am: My theme song 110
Monday, October 12, 2009 @ 2:44 am: Maturity test
Sunday, October 11, 2009 @ 4:50 am: Mom's birthday
Saturday, October 10, 2009 @ 5:57 am: My eyes hurt
Friday, October 09, 2009 @ 4:56 am: Slim
Thursday, October 08, 2009 @ 4:46 am: Still unwell
Wednesday, October 07, 2009 @ 4:58 am: My theme song 109
Wednesday, October 07, 2009 @ 4:30 am: Two-in-one
Tuesday, October 06, 2009 @ 9:43 pm: Unwell
Tuesday, October 06, 2009 @ 4:22 am: My theme song 108