I know they did that all out of love for me. So here's my reply to them:
Yes, gals, i know i know, after all the soft approach in giving me support and consolation, now it's time to slap me on my face so that i will wake up, right? Ok, both approaches work on me, coz you all are my dearest friends mah ("拍马屁")... :P
Oh, sorry that i disagree with you on one thing -- I don't have to HATE him. I don't wanna hate anybody in my life, not him nor that woman. I know that by switching the love to hate will be so much easier for me, but i really think what i SHOULD do is not to hate but to detach like you said, i.e. stop loving him. Just like you said, i gotta focus on the bad sides of him and forget about the past. And finally, the most important thing in a few years time is to learn forgiveness. I want to forgive and harbour no more feelings (whether love or anger or pain) towards this person anymore.
Truthfully, i have indeed realised that i was blinded by love for such long years. I have indeed seen through him now, that all those years, i was only seeing the person i wanna see and not the real him. Yes, you are right; in a way, what he saw in that woman is akin to what i saw in him, thinking that the person we love is so good. I seriously realised already, that he is really not worthy of my love, or even worthy of being with me at all. I can really do so much better without a man like him.
But then, is it really wrong to not wanting him to be miserable in the end? Do we really have to make the person who did us wrong suffer a great deal? Actually it's not just him; even at work, i don't feel good to make people suffer. Even for a normal friend, i'd wanna help out, moreover a person i love. I know, i should detach and stop caring about him; just take him like a stranger whose life or death has nothing to do with me anymore. I am telling myself to do that, really. Just that it doesn't happen overnight.
I do hope you all can understand that love is not something that we say wanna stop then just stop, moreover the love is so deep and for so many years. (It's the same with him i guess, that he couldn't stop his love for that woman, even though i still can't understand how the love can be developed so fast and so deep in such short time, but then, i dun have to understand it anymore bcoz it's illogical.) I know it's the mind power, but as my friend EY said to me, love is something illogical. As much as we can rationally tell ourselves what to do, actually doing it is not simple and takes time. So basically, i need time to "stop the love", or maybe to convert the love into something else like forgiveness (so difficult!).
I am working on it lah, and progressing everyday actually. For one, i didn't cry at all yesterday! (Yay to that!) Small steps, but moving forward slowly really. Don't give up on me yet please!
Yes, whoever reading this, whether you know me in real person or not... if you have been by my side, vocally or silently, please continue to love and support me. I know i have been ridiculous, but please do understand that healing takes time (and it's actually not that long yet since it happened), and i am working on it everyday.
I will heal, i'm sure of that. How long, i don't really know, but i will stand on my feet again.
I will. I promise.
Labels: friendship
