I think, therefore I write. (我思,所以我写。)

Cogito ergo scribo

Monday, September 04, 2006

Feeling sian

Watched a TV program today on Astro. It was mentioned that 30 years old is the age when people start to have introspection on their lives and wish that their lives could have been different. It's the age when people begin to seriously think about what they want for their lives and make changes for the future.

I think it's so true. I've been thinking a lot lately, about the past, the present and the future; about how i've come to where i am today and where i'm heading to. The more i think about it, the more sian i become. I'm so dispirited lately that i don't feel like talking much or even blogging.

Perhaps the problem with me is the lack of faith in anything, that i don't believe in any religion or an Almighty One. 贝 has been reading books on Buddhism lately and he said that he hoped to achieve enlightenment, whatever that would mean. Is he having similar doubts in life that he thinks religion can provide a guidance? After all, he's gonna be 30 years old soon, so i guess his time has come too in questioning his life and his future.

If everyone exists in this world for a purpose, i'm really not sure what's mine. Some people know their directions in lives since young, and sad to say that i'm not one of those people. I've gone through the past 31 years not knowing for sure where i'm going and where i wanna be. Yet, even until today, i still can't figure it out and continue living my life aimlessly as it is.

Sigh, if only i believe in money is the cure to everything in this world, then i could just set the goal of my life to becoming a rich person and strive to achieve the target by earning lots of money. Perhaps then all i need to worry about is just how to make more money, instead of vexing over what it is that i want for my life.

Is my life gonna be like this for the next 30 years? Where do i see myself in 10 years time? Where i wanna be in 5 years time? What changes should i make to my life and how? Am i happy? Will i be happy?

I wonder if i could ever figure it out.


Share your cogitation

Friday, September 01, 2006 @ 2:36 am: It's a joyous day
Thursday, August 31, 2006 @ 2:01 am: A trip to cat city -- Day 1 (II)
Wednesday, August 30, 2006 @ 2:43 am: Stitches removed
Tuesday, August 29, 2006 @ 2:52 am: Gift vouchers
Monday, August 28, 2006 @ 2:21 am: The past weekend
Friday, August 25, 2006 @ 2:53 am: Busy and in pain
Thursday, August 24, 2006 @ 2:33 am: Lousy service at AM Bank
Tuesday, August 22, 2006 @ 5:02 am: A trip to cat city -- Day 1 (I)
Monday, August 21, 2006 @ 3:14 am: The third day
Friday, August 18, 2006 @ 3:21 am: Another wisdom teeth removal surgery