Cogito ergo scribo

I never expected it would come to this. No, maybe i did expect it somehow, since we didn't hear from you for so long, but i've been denying the possibility because i thought we were an integral part of each other's lives that this would never happen. I guess it's pure naiveness on my part to think that we would be friends forever, till the days our hair all turn grey and the days when we would attend each other's funeral, whether in mortal or spiritual form.

I know now that it must be really silly of me to think this way, as forever is such a long time. It's hard enough to love a person forever, let alone be friends forever. Yes, i've been utterly stupid to put so much faith in our friendship. So i guess it serves me right to be hurt by the decision you've made.

I wonder if sadness, disappointment and anger are what i'm feeling now. I'm not sure if there's a word that can aptly describe my feeling at this very moment. It's like a mixture of all kinds of negative emotions jumbling up in me. There won't be tears in my eyes, not because i don't care, but simply because you pronouncing the death of our friendship grieved me so much that my heart just went numb.

Many friendships were lost over the years, but mostly due to distance and time. This is the first time that a friend whom i hold so closely to my heart is telling me that he wanna severe all ties with us simply because of some events with which he couldn't get over, or of which he chooses not to let go. I finally came to realize that close to two decades of friendship is actually so fragile, that a friendship i've treasured so much actually means so little to you. It makes me feel like all the memories of us over all these years which i deemed irreplaceable were nothing but some big sick jokes.

As much as it hurts me, i'm not gonna beg, nor am i gonna even attempt to change your mind. I will do what you've asked; in fact, i've already removed you from the mailing list as you've told us to. This is not some three-year-olds playing in the sandbox and then due to some insignificant disagreement yelling at each other, "i don't wanna friend you anymore."

We are all grown-ups and are old enough to make decisions in our lives. If this is what you want, if this is your choice, presumably after much consideration, then so be it. I have nothing more to say to you except that i wish you good luck and hope that this is not something that you would live to regret later in your life.

With that, goodbye, my once beloved friend.

Labels: friendship