Just a few days ago, she was casually asking me when i am going to be a mother. I didn't know what to tell her and only said there was no plan yet.
It was her birthday today, and the other colleagues had prepared a birthday surprise for her. Other than a birthday cake and birthday song, one of the colleagues also took out a big bouquet of flowers for her, saying that it was actually from her hubby.
My heart twitched when i saw her blissful face. Yes, how happy she is... with a loving husband and an expecting child. She is practically glowing with happiness.
I could have been her if i had chosen the right man for my life. I should be glowing too instead of looking so haggard now. Though i will never be a mother-to-be, i should still be immersing in the happiness of a newlywed now instead of feeling this constant heartache.
Yes, all these thoughts are pointless. There's simply no "could have" and "should have", but only "had".
I know, i know... i know all these. Just that even when i'm doing my best not to think about it, my heart is still having this perpetual pain with every heartbeat, which i do not know how to get rid off.
I just hope it can stop beating so that i don't feel the pain anymore.
Labels: introspection, love
