This evening when i weighed myself, it stood at 54KG. I guess this should raise a yellow alert (not yet red).
Yes, i admit that i am a bit obsessed with my weight, having to get close to 60KG once upon a time. Then when my weight dropped so much to 52KG within two months time, everyone told me that i was too thin, and looked haggard - half-dead even.
Now that i'm at 54KG, i've been hearing people telling me that i actually look good now. Of course, i gotta maintain it (if i can't get it back to 52KG) if i still want to hear such praises.
I take that gaining weight as a good sign for me. It is actually. Not that i wanna get fat again, but at least this means that i'm getting better, albeit the side effect isn't something i desire.
The US trip did me good and i am thankful for it. You know, it's ironic how things turned out sometimes.
I dreaded the night shift, and had actually thought about quitting because of that (and probably because of my unstable state of mind at that time). Then it was actually a good thing, for it helped to unveil the truth and prevented me from further heartbreak.
Then i resented the US trip too. I had again thought about changing job due to my reluctance in taking up the US project. Not that i love it now, but it was again a blessing in disguise. Overseas trip would do me good at that time, and i actually got it without digging deep into my own pocket (even though i gotta work there too). The trip had helped to cheer me up and to function in a normal way again.
So you see how things can sometimes turn out the way we least expected?
I am still sad and heartbroken, but no longer depressed. I am thinking more positively now even when the negative images and thoughts crept into my mind sometimes. I began to count my blessings in this incident - i spent more time with mom and my friends now; i am going to do things that i've always wanted to do but never got around doing; i look good now; i can now look at guys (and being looked at); i can do things more freely and at my own pace now; both mom and i became Christian and i'm sure we shall see positive changes in us...
So yes, that's a good reason for me to gain back that 2KG, and i should be happy about it. Don't get me wrong, i am glad about the reason, but not so much about the side effect.
Labels: introspection, vanity
