I think, therefore I write. (我思,所以我写。)

Cogito ergo scribo

Friday, August 21, 2009

Not there yet

People always tell me that i have sweet smiles.

And the thing about having a sweet smile is that i can easily hide my true feelings if i do not want other people to know it. All i have to do is just to put on a very sweet smile, and no one can really tell that deep down in my heart, i am actually not feeling joyous but some other emotions.

Actually the sadness has never left me. I'm still feeling the heartache even though i've somewhat stopped whining about it in my blog, or at least not so frequently anymore. I still cried in the night whenever i'm alone and not doing anything. I know in my heart that my excessive time spent on playing the Facebook games, reading comics and shopping were all the ways i'm suppressing my sorrow, to keep myself occupied -- in an "unhealthy" way i guess.

A friend said to me that it has been months already since the incident and i should not be feeling sad anymore. Then i thought in my heart, "if you have loved a person this deep before, and spent that many years with him, then you would know how it feels and whether or not these few months time is sufficient to heal completely."

In fact, some people never fully recover at all.

Please understand that it won't be so fast; how can one get over lost love, broken marriage and heartache within just a few months after devoting your life to a person for so long?

I already know it will probably take me years to completely move on, and i'm not rushing it. Don't rush, no pressure, one step at a time, i tell myself everyday. I've seen some improvements, small it may be, but at least i am moving forward bit-by-bit.

There's still a long way to go, and i'm walking it, slowly.


Share your cogitation

Thursday, August 20, 2009 @ 4:58 am: DIY 30-Hour Famine (II)
Thursday, August 20, 2009 @ 2:43 am: Some phrases
Wednesday, August 19, 2009 @ 4:25 am: I need to sleep well
Tuesday, August 18, 2009 @ 3:57 am: DIY 30-Hour Famine (I)
Monday, August 17, 2009 @ 1:31 am: Am back, alive
Saturday, August 15, 2009 @ 4:48 am: Weekend activity
Thursday, August 13, 2009 @ 6:13 pm: MC
Thursday, August 13, 2009 @ 1:01 am: Washington DC - Day 1 (III)
Wednesday, August 12, 2009 @ 3:58 am: Down mood
Tuesday, August 11, 2009 @ 6:07 pm: Unwell