Cogito ergo scribo

I should not be sitting in the office working my ass off today.

What i should be doing today could have been this:

贝 and i are on our honeymoon in TW, and at the same time celebrating the first anniversary of our marriage. We would get each other gifts, holding hands touring the places of interest in TW, capturing our memories with cameras, having nice meals together and of course making love to each other affectionately.

But then, there is no "should have" and "what if" in reality. What i am living now everyday is the reality, anything else is just wishful thinking.

Now, this day is just a mockery of my short-lived and pathetic marriage. It is a day that instead of being joyous, it is heart-wrenching.

How ironic life can be really? This time last year, i was near the point of ecstatic, as the person i loved and who (i thought) loved me deeply vowed that we would spend the rest of our lives together, and to love and treasure each other for as long as we live.

Yet, same time this year, i am back to being alone and heart-broken.

Thinking about all these are simply pointless. I am fully aware of this, but that doesn't really stop me from thinking about it.

By the same token, our nation celebrates its 52nd birthday today. It is also supposed to be something joyful, but then amidst all the injustice, racial discrimination, corruptions, and forever deteriorating public security, i really do not see what is there to be happy about. After 52 years of independence, we are still where we were, if not worse.

So, today is actually a sad day for me. I am not gonna say "happy anniversary" for any occasion, whether at personal or national level.

Labels: love, malaysia