I think, therefore I write. (我思,所以我写。)

Cogito ergo scribo

Monday, September 21, 2009

Blissful life that is not mine

The female colleague who got married at about the same time as me just gave birth to a baby boy last week.

The day before she delivered, she was in the office making preparation for her long maternity leave.

Then there was another female manager who has just returned from her maternity leave. I passed by her office room the other day and saw the two of them chatting. I stopped and greeted the one who just came back, and as usual, the mother started telling the stories of her newborn baby. I listened, smiled and then made a remark to the one who was pregnant about how big her stomach was and asked her when she was delivering.

She told me that her pregnancy was already due and it would be her last day there before the maternity leave. She then proceeded to ask me when would it be my turn.

I didn't know what to say, so i just smiled and shook my head while walking away. She then laughed and i could hear her distinctly saying, "now she runs away..."

Well, of course i gotta run away. I mean, what else could i possibly say? I could of course tell her that i've never intend to have any kids, but then she would then definitely asked if my husband agreed to it. Then am i supposed to start telling her about my short and failed marriage, when i'm actually not that acquainted with her, and when i was actually talking to two women who were glowing with happiness from their marriage and kids?

Yes, the blissfulness literally shone through their faces. I can only imagine how happy they must be in their personal lives... My happiness, if i were to ever find it again, will be different from the way they have it. That is the kind of life that is not mine, and can never be mine.


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Monday, September 21, 2009 @ 12:36 am: My theme song 100
Sunday, September 20, 2009 @ 3:46 am: Pet Society
Saturday, September 19, 2009 @ 4:55 am: My laptops
Friday, September 18, 2009 @ 3:34 am: The kids
Thursday, September 17, 2009 @ 3:28 am: Working late
Wednesday, September 16, 2009 @ 2:36 am: Relapse
Tuesday, September 15, 2009 @ 3:56 am: Down
Tuesday, September 15, 2009 @ 3:31 am: My life is a TVB drama
Monday, September 14, 2009 @ 2:37 am: Washington DC - Day 2 (III)
Sunday, September 13, 2009 @ 5:45 am: Hairstyle