I think, therefore I write. (我思,所以我写。)

Cogito ergo scribo

Friday, October 30, 2009

Baggage of the past

As i was writing the previous post and looked up my old post for the link, i saw one titled Newlyweds and read it.

So, even then, there had already been changes to YY's attitude, which until now i still do not know what really went on in his mind at that time (for his reply was always "nothing"), or what really had gone wrong. Was it during that time that his love for me had totally ceased, and he had allowed his heart to run wild?

I've avoided reading up my old posts, whether those prior to Mar'09 where everything was filled with the memories of two 贝s, or those from Mar'09 onwards that will remind me of all the excruciating heartaches. In fact, i've contemplated several times in stopping this blog altogether. There are too much of the pasts here, and the past is exactly what had been holding me back, stopping me from fully letting go and moving on.

But then, i asked myself, was it the past in this blog, or the past in my mind and in my heart that really tie me down. All these posts were nothing but words. I could throw it all away by just ending this blog, but how about the memories that had been etched within me?

Sometimes i just hope our life can be more like computer, where there is a "delete" button, or even reboot and reformat. Too bad that life is just a one-way journey; there is only going forward and no turning back. We just have to continue going forward no matter how reluctant we may be, carrying the heavy baggage of the past with us, and hoping that we can finally find the courage to drop it along the way.

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Friday, October 30, 2009 @ 6:38 pm: Still sick
Friday, October 30, 2009 @ 4:10 am: Awful
Thursday, October 29, 2009 @ 5:21 am: Still unwell
Thursday, October 29, 2009 @ 4:46 am: Grouchy
Wednesday, October 28, 2009 @ 2:59 am: My theme song 118
Wednesday, October 28, 2009 @ 2:48 am: Defiant kid
Tuesday, October 27, 2009 @ 12:27 am: Miserable
Monday, October 26, 2009 @ 5:18 pm: Sick
Monday, October 26, 2009 @ 4:30 am: My theme song 117
Monday, October 26, 2009 @ 4:29 am: To forget, or to remember?