I read the post last year that was written at about the same time one year ago, i can't help but ponder at the irony brought forth by the transience of our mortal life.
In that post, i wrote, "Somehow, i feel that the new year is gonna be another roller coaster ride for everyone, if not even more exciting than this one that is about to pass soon".
I am amazed by my own supernatural power in predicting the future. The roller coaster ride we had this year was sure a wild one and perhaps way too exciting for us.
Year 2008 was a remarkable year for me. Yet, year 2009 took such a sharp turn that it is the WORST year in my life. That's how unpredictable life is and can be.
And i hope this indeed is the worst and i will never have another year worse than this anymore for the remaining years of my life.
I've been thinking, you know, about this end of the year thingy. I do not know how i should feel about this year coming to an end. It's a mixed feelings, as if everything has ended but at the same time everything is about to begin.
Year 2009 is a horrible horrible horrible year for me, but the good news is that I SURVIVED IT!
I am not gonna do a review of the events for this year, because frankly one event is sufficient to overshadow everything else -- i lost my 贝, in one of the most painful ways.
So, rather than reviewing the events, i am gonna remind myself of the realisations that i've gained through those events. All the realisations are manifested in ironies.
I realised that love is transitory but it is eternal. No matter how confident a person is of his/her love for you, there is still a possibility for him/her to change. Yet, if you truly love a person, no matter how much you have been hurt, the person will forever have a special place in your heart.
I realised that how fragile i am but how strong i can be. I've been through hell and come back alive. I was knocked down but i stood up, learning how to walk by myself again. I am too weak to get rid of all the pain and sorrow in my heart, but i am strong enough to carry them in me while continue striving for a happy and fulfilled life.
I realised that it's not easy to forgive and forget but despite that, i'm a person not capable of hatred. There are people whom i still blame in my heart, and there are past events that haunt me to no end. Yet, i do not hate anyone, for i do not know how to hate, and i do not want to either. Rather than hatred, i chose to love, and learn how to forgive through gestures of love to others.
I realised i've lost the love of my life but i am surrounded by all the love in the world that i could possibly ask for. For many many years, i've put all my attention and love on one person, thinking that he was the person who loved me the most in the world. But it turned out that he was the person who hurt me the most, yet the people who have been by my side all those years and whom i might have neglected are the ones who actually love me dearly and unconditionally. My family, my friends, and the Almighty God. I lost one but i found more.
I realised a year of agony can also be a year of opportunity. The agony that i had to go through was as if i've died once and then was brought back to life again, but everything has changed, and nothing will be the same ever again. Yet, this is also an opportunity for me to relook at my life, to rethink about what i have, what i want, and what i can do. It is a second chance in life to walk a different path, not necessarily better or happier, but can potentially be more meaningful and fulfilled.
Year 2009, a lousy year for me, is coming to an end soon. Year 2010 is gonna be more unpredictable than any other years that i've had so far. What lies ahead of me? What's in store for me? Will it be better, or can it be any worse?
There will be no answer to any of these questions until the same time next year when i am writing the end-of-the-year post again, if God's willing and i'm still living by then.
Until then, i pray to God that all who have been hurt will be comforted and healed, and all who have been happy will continue to lead a blissful life.
Wishing everyone a good year ahead.
Labels: introspection
