I'm talking about the heartache.
I've been crying myself to bed almost everyday since i returned from USA. Haven't been able to sleep well and not eating well either. I could actually feel the throbbing pain in my heart, almost constantly.
The feeling has returned, that familiar extreme heartache that i went through during that few months of most difficult time of my life.
I am fully aware that i will continue to be on this roller coaster ride for a long time to come. I also know that i will feel really down during PMS period every month. Yet, it is really bad this time, so bad that it was as if i am living through that excruciating moments once more.
Probably it was because of the continuous festive seasons, from Christmas to new year to my birthday to Valentine's to Chinese New Year. All these occasions that are supposed to be joyful actually dampened my spirit instead.
It's almost unbearable, really. I've actually switched off the light and lied in bed, hoping to go to sleep, but then the past memories came haunting me and i started weeping silently. I felt so much pain in my heart that i cried and cried and cried until i couldn't take it anymore. Maybe writing this out will help, i told myself.
Will it? I really don't know. I can still feel the pain as i am typing this.
I just hope all these can just go away.
Labels: love
