I think, therefore I write. (我思,所以我写。)

Cogito ergo scribo

Friday, August 27, 2010

Unwell and down

Left office earlier yesterday at 4.30pm after informed boss about it. Was having bad menstrual cramp.

Then today, called in sick and stayed at "home" to rest. Was having migraine again.

Actually i've been having frequent migraine lately. Sometimes it's mild but sometimes it gets so bad that i felt nauseous.

Perhaps the stress and unhappiness at work are contributing factors, but i know for sure that turning in late is the main culprit.

Uh huh, prolonged lack of sleep is detrimental to health. I know that. Not only it affects my complexion and makes me look more like a panda now as angel has depicted, it is also affecting my concentration and energy. I think it probably causes my depressed mood too.

Yes, i was actually feeling rather depressed for quite a few weeks already. In fact, i've been crying on-and-off again in the nights. I didn't write about it, probably as a mean to ignore it and hope that it will just go away by itself. Sadly, it doesn't seem to work. I'm even starting to get bad dreams in the nights, dreams of YY being nasty to me or seeing him with his girlfriend...

I didn't really talk about it either because i'm tired of being judged, being told that it was my own fault to be still engulfed by sorrow after more than a year already. I'm sick of having to explain myself or my feelings to people who have not walked the same path and yet think that letting go and moving on are so simple to do.

Perhaps getting more sleep will ease off the depressed mood. Even if it doesn't, at least i'm sure that it will improve my health.


forget about that jerk! he's nothing but a scum and scammer. true man doesn't make his loved ones cries, moreover to hurt you to such extent. you should never act like a forgiver and don't give him a chance to approach you and even become a friend. he doesn't even worth to exist in your memory, let alone to mention him in this blog to remind of his deception! just treat this guy never ever exist! maybe it is blessing in disguise to know his true character this early than to despair when it is all too late.

i'm sorry i have used such crude and rude language. i am probably apathy, but i understand true friends will never abandon the cohort in whatever circumstances, and stick through thick and thin. he/she might be sarcastic or a devil advocate, perhaps doesn't know methods to help but never the intention to aggravate your pain. those do otherwise are not your true friend! those who continue to visit your blog (and not FB),in my mind, will never want further hurting you ...., and i really don't mind you write or record you have cried yesterday or day before or past weeks. i know the feeling of having people being selfish and don't give any genuine concern, i know...

perhaps loneliness in that rented room is factor of your stray thinking. you should be more socialize, involve in church activities, volunteers, mix with guys, perhaps one day, i hope and wish, you really find a true love who truly love you and heals your scar. your blog probably have captivated some guys out there, and there are still good guys exist..... give yourself a chance to be loved again. and let God to be your guidance.

please don't cry anymore. Like Sui wrote, it doesn't worth to shed anymore tears....

your blog is a place for you to write whatever you want, whatever you think, and to release your depression & etc.
If you always have to care about what others think of what you wrote, then maybe the blog had lost the above-mentioned meanings/ functions.
Of course we would like to see u smile everyday, but life is always full of happiness & sadness. True life is not a fairy tales. And it's takes time to get over.
Those who think that your blog is boring, then can stop to read it. We are happy that you share your daily life with us, no matter happy or sad. That's what friends are for. So do whatever you think is correct.
So people chose to run away, some people chose to face the problem. I believe you'll show your true smile of happiness one day. I'm looking forward to that day, no matter how long it'll takes.
Ganbattekudasai P(^o^)q

since ur colleague knows about ur blog, shouldn't u b more concerned on wat u write?


i supposed to draw about the IT guy putting up the comic and you "vehemently" protest it, somehow, i think this gets the priority and jumps queue.

Try to get nutritious diet and stop eating unhealthily. Do you think you need to consult doctor for medical prescription on , er, the "mood swing"? Hmm, you should take note on vitamins and nutrition in your diet (didn't your friend YM put up one previously - zinc, calcium, and B vitamins), eat healthy be happy and not eat happy but unhealthy... Be disciplined when it comes to time to sleep, not only it would help to reduce your depression, otherwise you'd doze off during the sermon again and that's BAD! i know, it's inevitable when it comes to work especially during hectic week, sometimes you keep pushing yourself also doesn't get you anywhere, when relaxed and the next day afresh idea just comes in. it happens to me number of times, even in a JJ ad he's frustrated in trying to compose a score, but then when he drinks SUPER coffee, and relaxes, he's charged up, oh my, i'm promoting the coffee, aha, but then you shouldn't consume much caffeine.....

uh, i thought you have stopped crying but frustrated (and a bit of insanity) due to work stress. you don't need to really care what others say about you and go as far to "explain" to them! you don't have to be that accountable to them. especially in this channel where this blog is your sanctuary! perhaps, they are trying to "reverse" psychology on you, i don't know. if you keep accumulating your depression, you will definitely be insane! sigh, reading that you are still crying and in sorrow makes me sad too, and it's big contrast of the lazypinpin i remember who i came across long long ago :(. i really look forward to the day, soon hopefully, the depressed, moody, melancholy, drama queen gal bounces back to her cheerful, articulate, hardworking, witty common gal in working society - her real positive self. look forward to it. Till then, please stay strong, and don't succumb and self-censor to hide your feelings even in your "own" sanctuary just because you sick of being judged, for many still care and always standby you, as always.

(this post should be posted on yesterday saturday night if you feel sad again, by the time i finished writing the captions, it's 300am. so i thought it will be better to post when i'm fully conscious. ..... my bad...hmm, i always worry such thing could happen - http://img135.imageshack.us/img135/3897/blameq.jpg).



the national day probably is not your happy day ..... and with your great friends, i'm sure you come out from the abyss and all the tv ads commemorate the day won't make you become sadder anymore ...



you are strong gal, i trust you can overcome the grief, probably not so soon but not very very long either...

Share your cogitation

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 @ 4:46 am: Sad news from Philippines
Tuesday, August 24, 2010 @ 4:43 am: My blog revealed
Tuesday, August 24, 2010 @ 2:28 am: On the cab
Monday, August 23, 2010 @ 4:31 am: Mistake rectified
Monday, August 23, 2010 @ 3:59 am: The past week
Wednesday, August 18, 2010 @ 3:17 am: Late night again
Tuesday, August 17, 2010 @ 2:57 am: On the cab
Monday, August 16, 2010 @ 4:35 am: Random updates
Thursday, August 12, 2010 @ 4:35 am: A comical incident
Tuesday, August 10, 2010 @ 5:02 am: My first Esplanade experience