Probably it's the thought of going back to reality that's making me depressed. Not that i'm living in a dream while i was in Genting, but at least i'm further away from all the things that had been too real and painful for me to bear.
I do not look forward to going back home. In fact, nowadays, i do not look forward to anything anymore. I'm just in the "my life is the way it is" kind of mode now.
I'm pathetic, i know, to actually build my world around a man. Now that i lost him, it was as if all hopes were lost too. I've never expected i'd actually come to this at all, to actually become the kind of useless woman that i am now.
LF and i had a chat about my unrealistic vision of love. She told me that the way that i define love probably means that i'll forever be disappointed in life. For the kind of love that i envisage will never be possible in human; only God is capable of giving such kind of love.
That was probably why the people whom i met in church actually told me not to cast my hope in human but in God, for only God will be able to love us selflessly.So my theory of human mimicking God may probably be true. God created us in his image, so it's only normal that we'd wanna do what God is capable of doing, but not realising that we do not have the same capacity as Him. If i keep on hoping to see the "true love" in human, hoping that someone out there can give me the kind of God-like selfless love to me, i'd probably be forever disappointed in life and got my heart broken over and over again.
I guess i just have to accept that mortal love is not permanent. Human beings are weak, and we simply are incapable of holding something so grand as true love.
Labels: introspection, love
