Moved into the new place for the second night already, and still not sleeping well despite having aircon. I do not know how to put my mind at ease and have a real rest.
Had lunch with a new colleague today. He briefly knew about my situation and was trying to give me some advice, which was nothing new actually. He then said he liked my smile, which is sweet, and so i should smile more often. And ironically (again), he said i looked like a cheerful girl and should not be sad over the past events, which is strange because he had just joined us for about a month and i can't really recall i've ever appeared "cheerful" since the discovery of the incident.
Anyway, he wasn't the first person saying that i am cheerful and have sweet sincere smiles. I've heard this comment from lots of different people before, male and female. I had an ex-colleague who had even commented before that i looked like an innocent kid when i smiled. I suspect this may be due to the dimple on one side of my cheek when i smile:
Because dimples can fade with time as someone's facial muscles stretch out, many people associate them with youth. Children are referred to as having dimpled cheeks, for example, and someone who has dimples may be thought of as youthful or baby faced. source
I almost forgot the power of smiling. People will generally be drawn to you when you smile, and people who smile a lot often give others the perception that they are of cheerful personality.
Yet, lately i could only smile wearily. I'm depressed but i can't possibly show it at my work place. When i see any of my colleagues, i'd have to squeeze out a smile as greeting. Sometimes when i had lunch with the colleagues from my department, i'd have to smile at their jokes, when i didn't feel amused at all.
I think it's time for me to work on my smiles again. I wanna forever maintain the sweet and cheerful smile for the people who appreciate it, and not to lose it for the one who hurt me.
Labels: introspection
