I know that we are supposed to pray everyday, but sorry to say that i have not been doing it conscientiously.
And when i do pray, i normally just talk to God in my heart, as if i am talking to another person. I've listened to the others prayed before and i know that i am not doing it right.
But then, there is one thing i am doing it right.
During the Sunday service, the pastor quoted a phrase in his sermon, "Pray not for a lighter burden, but for stronger shoulders".
This phrase touched me deeply, as it strengthened my belief that all hardships in our lives are trials to make us stronger and better.
So far, i've not prayed for God to remove the pain i was and am going through. I've always been asking him to guide me and to show me the right path, to give me the strength to go through the difficulties and the courage to face whatever that may come my way.
I do not know why it never occurred to me before to just ask Him to simply remove my miseries. Somehow, i just need to believe that there is a purpose for me to go through this ordeal. And if there is a purpose to it, then i should not ask for it not to happen, but rather, to ask for the guidance on how to go through it in the way that He has intended.
During the volunteer class last Saturday, the counsellor also said something rather similar. She said that it is always during time of difficulties that she comes to realise how strong she is. I have the exact sentiment.
A lot of times, we think that we would simply crumple and die if certain event were to happen to us. Yet, when the event does indeed happen, the choices we make can very well steer us to better or to worse. As for me, i realised that i can be strong if i want to be. It is never easy, but i can, if i want to.
Before i became a Christian, i was a free thinker. I do not believe that our lives are predestined or controlled by a supernatural power. The notion of what we did in our previous lives had predetermined the good and bad things that will happen to us in this lifetime is even more far-fetched to me.
In fact, i do not like this kind of thoughts at all, for it gives a very passive way to life and justifies some of the bad events through "fault shifting" and avoiding taking responsibilities of the decisions we make for our own lives. It is as good as saying, "don't blame me for not able to do right or do good, because this is a debt from my previous life and it bound to happen. I have no control over it."
I simply cannot accept such irresponsible notion to life.
I believed that the series of events in our lives are the chain reactions of the choices we make. At every moment in our lives, we are to make choices, big and small. For instance, just at this very moment, i can either choose to switch off my laptop and go to bed, or i can choose to continue blogging. And the choice i make will then have an effect on the outcome and available choices of the subsequent events. That was why i had always told people that i do not believe in God or any deity; i believe in free will.
Yet, after i have a better understanding of Christianity, it is then i realised that what i had always believed in was not too far from it. It was a misconception that i have always had about God.
God does not control the lives of each and everyone of us. Yes, He is almighty and He does have the control and power over it, but He does not do it because of His love for us. God did not create human to make us His puppets. He does not have a book that already have all the life stories written down for everyone of us; He does not predetermine our lives and dictate what will happen to us.
God loves us and hence He also gives everyone of us free will, i.e. the freedom to choose. He told us what is the right and wrong things to do through the Bible, and expects us to follow the words and hence make the right choice when we are given the freedom to choose.
It is just like the story of Adam and Eve. God could have used His power to stop them from eating the fruits of the tree, but He didn't. He told them not to eat and then still allow them to have the choice, for He expects them to follow His words. Yet, they were tempted by Satan, and chose to succumb to the temptation instead of following the words of God. Then of course, when they did not choose to do the right things, then God will intervene to make things right and they will have to face the consequences of their choices.
So all along, what i believed in about free will of human does not really contradict Christianity. It is just that i need to go a step further and let the choices we make be guided by the words of God, so that what we choose will be right and good.
I am still very new and even weak in my faith, but at least this is what i understand.
And for now, it is time for me to choose to go to bed.
Labels: Christianity
