I think, therefore I write. (我思,所以我写。)

Cogito ergo scribo

Thursday, December 09, 2010


Crying... but i told myself that i can't go to work with swollen eyes tomorrow, and so i gotta stop, but the tears just keep rolling down uncontrollably.

It hurts to know that what you are giving doesn't mean a thing. It hurts to know that your effort in being magnanimous is taken for granted. It hurts to know that what you are quietly doing isn't appreciated.

And perhaps what hurts the most is to know that the person you love and whom you thought loved you have never really understood what love truly means, probably since the very beginning and even till this day.

Many people would say i'm being taken advantage of for giving in again and again and again. A lot of people would ask why i still bother to be considerate towards the person who has done me great wrong and ruined my life. Everybody would ask why i still care to honour a promise to the person who has broken the most scared vow of all in the first place. Everyone said i'm being too soft-hearted and do not stand up for what is right for me.

But then i asked myself, what is really right for me? Seriously, i don't know anymore.

All i want is that there will be no more disagreement or argument, and to end things amicably. If that means i have to forgo some insignificant things, then so be it. If by giving up on something will enable both parties to gain something in return, then everything is worthwhile i guess.

Yes, it may be unfair in many people's eyes. It may be stupidity or even idiocy as many see it.

But i am not answerable to these people. How they see it doesn't really matter. What really matters is that at the end of time, i can still stand righteous before The One whom i am really answerable to.


Dear pinpin, words might not set in but i will still repeat them and will continue repeating them , for i don't want to give up on you. i am not giving up on you. You got to be strong, stay strong. And always remember that you are not alone, you know, there are still many wonderful things around you that you shouldn't shed tears. Please stop crying, girl, it doesn't worth it, moreover the things that terribly done to you of the faults that lie not from you. Please stop crying, you are making everyone's heartache too with your unhapiness, for the old cheerful pinpin was lost. You don't deserve to be this, you know. The first posting i read about your crying was when you submitted your letter to a blue-eyed angmoh. but now it becomes frequent and for bad reason ....

Some people wish eye for an eye. Some people choose avoidance of animosity and complication. It's ok, we are all different. whatever it is, be real selfish in placing your own goodness and happiness first. Others are not you and they might not understand you. We love you, why, because of NOT who you are pretending to be, trying to be, the false of you. We love you because of who you REALLY are, pinpin. You may not be the same old cheerful pinpin, at this short period of time, but I still keep hope that she will be back, and i know i'm not the only one hoping for this realization ....

And, sigh, i thought the sadness was slowly melting away. You wrote 2 days ago about the 5 fillings and manicure, and enjoyable weekend (and become "silly" gal again). You wrote about looking forward for year end holiday, and how your boss apathetic on your "illness". You also wrote on gift from your boss for xmas, your excitement on new x10. and how chirpy on your long super holiday, and yet procrastinate to blog it! Perhaps on "certain" days when you are bored, moody, alone, depressed, how about to find something to occupy to avoid being melancholy. Maybe to keep busy posting some FB, chatting in msn, addicting to "evil" TV or episode dramas, reading serial comic, and many many more ....

Lastly, pick from 梁静茹's song ....

I'm sorry if my naivety has been an insensitive to you. Please take care, and stop (or less) being sad. -HY-

Dear angel, thanks for your words of encouragement.

Actually something happened on that day, which made me very sad. My eyes were all swollen the next day that i gotta take the morning half-day off and placed ice on my eyes for the swell to subside.

Yes, i also told myself the same thing, i.e. i do not want to cry for him anymore. But then, sometimes his actions and words just tear my heart apart, again and again.

Perhaps it is silly of me to still care about him... Yet, i also think to myself that perhaps it is for the better too. The more it hurts, the more i will see clearly.

Share your cogitation

Wednesday, December 08, 2010 @ 5:35 am: A day to forget
Tuesday, December 07, 2010 @ 1:35 am: The past weekend (two firsts)
Tuesday, December 07, 2010 @ 12:47 am: The past week
Friday, December 03, 2010 @ 5:17 am: Christmas gift from boss
Thursday, December 02, 2010 @ 5:50 am: Headache
Monday, November 29, 2010 @ 4:58 am: Directions on Google Map
Thursday, November 25, 2010 @ 10:37 pm: The maid and the kids
Wednesday, November 24, 2010 @ 5:09 am: Worked late
Tuesday, November 23, 2010 @ 5:53 am: Random updates
Tuesday, November 23, 2010 @ 5:32 am: Outstanding travel logs