I have received email from the lawyer that the divorce had been successfully filed and a hearing date arranged. We need not attend the hearing since there is no dispute between us. The court will only deliver the final judgement after three months. That is the period supposedly for the couple to cool down and see if there is any chance of reconciliation.
With the closing of the bank account, the pending judgement on the divorce application is essentially the last thing that still binds he and i together. There is nothing further to be done anymore, except just waiting for the day when the letter will arrive in our postbox, declaring the final severance of all ties. And from then on, we are not more than strangers.
No one will understand how it feels to go through the process of divorce unless one has experienced it personally. There is a Chinese word that aptly describes the feeling - 凌迟 (the Chinese ancient execution of killing a person by slicing off portions of the flesh over an extended period of time).
It is a slow and painful process, like ripping off some part of you piece by piece, in slow motion. It is a process of slowly removing a person and anything about him from your life, bit-by-bit, in a tardy pace. From two strangers to one couple whose lives were so closely intertwined, and then you gotta tear it apart and discard a portion of it away, as if all those years have actually never happened before, as if the happy and loving days that were once so treasured are all reduced to nothing, as if a person who was once so loved and held so dearly to your life actually does not matter at all.
And the part that was torn apart and thrown away will never grow back again. Even if it does, it can never be whole and complete again like before, ever. I once believed that love is eternal and marriage is a vow to be kept forever. Now, i am not sure anymore.
Labels: love
