The girls have all been very kind to be by my side as much as possible, knowing that i really need all the support that i can get now. To me, the greatest fortune in my life is actually to get to know this bunch of friends who will always stand by me no matter what happens. I am grateful for the friendships and love that have been with me for the past 20 years.
I know they wanted to cheer me up and tried to occupy my time so that i won't think too much. I really appreciate that. It's just that i'm still very down, and i was actually feeling sad the whole day. I did my best not to show my sorrow, and suppress my urge of crying. Then when i was back at home and taking the bath, i finally broke down and cried. I just felt miserable.
Anyway, back to the outing today...
We had afternoon tea at this Red Island Cafe, which i totally gave it two thumbs down. The service was lousy, the food was bad, and the coffee sucked. Seriously, this is the first time i went to a cafe that served coffee that still had coffee powder in it.
Then we went to this Thai massage center where i had my first taste of foot massage for an hour, followed by another hour of Thia traditional massage.
Frankly, i didn't really enjoy the massage much. Besides the masseuse who served me being not very good, i was also feeling very disturbed. All these massages, which were supposed to make me relax (and i actually do need the relaxation now), actually reminded me of the affair. I mean, after all, the whole episode all started from YY's f*cking friends brought him to that f*cking massage center that provides exotic massages and met with that China massage woman who totally mesmerized him. My head was filled with the pictures of how that woman provided exotic massage to YY and how he was so hooked on her.
However, i wouldn't stop going for massages just because of this. In fact, i'm gonna look for SPA and body massage package somewhere and sign up for it. After all, massages (i mean the decent type) are good for health. And as i've mentioned before, there are a lot of places and a lot of things that remind me of 贝, of our happy times together, and of that heart-wrenching affair. If i were to avoid everywhere and everything, then where can i run to really? This is my home. Those are the things i do day-in and day-out. If death is not an option, then my life has to go on no matter what. I gotta face it bravely, and that is precisely what i'm gonna do.
I did have a realisation during the massage though. I suddenly understood why YY was trapped so deeply in the TLC of that woman and couldn't escape from his desires for her.
Massage is a very sensual act. It promotes relaxation and sometimes even stimulates sexual desires (especially the exotic massage that those China women are so good at). So imagine having a personal massage lady all for yourself, as your girlfriend/wife. When you are tired, she will know how to help you to relax by giving you a good massage. When you feel aroused, she knows how to please you with all the right sexual moves. When you feel that you need love and comfort, she knows what to say and what to do to let you feel the TLC. These are all the things that i do not know how to do and cannot do.
So, if i were a man, i'd go for those women as well.
Really, let's analyse this scientifically.
Sexuality, gentleness and subservience are the characteristics believed to be intrinsic to women. Such qualities appeal to the instincts of male species. The modern women like us nowadays are highly educated and a lot are more intelligent and capable than the men. In a way, we can say women like us are somewhat masculine, because we do not display those intrinsic characteristics since we gotta compete with the men out there in our career. Mind you, we compete with the men in our job and not serving them, as opposed to the job of those women. We are independent and do not take serving men as the purpose of our lives.
Yet, most men, if not all, want to feel needed. This is the intrinsic chauvinism in men, where they want to feel that they are the provider and the women are there to serve them. That was why there are cases after cases of marriage being broken up by these China women. These women simply appeal to the innate ego of men and make them feel good.
That is also probably why that the men would feel that women like us who appear to be so independent and strong will survive well without them, whereas those type of women need them more than we do. Well, they are sure right about this, that we indeed do not need men for our survival, which is a great irony again.
Why? Well, you see, it's precisely that women like us are capable of taking care of ourselves in life, and so when we fall in love, it is solely for love and nothing else. We do not need the men to feed us, as we are capable of doing it ourselves. So we look for the one and only whom we will truly devote our love to, and want to love and be loved by this chosen one. That is why when the one we thought who is meant to be no longer loves us, we couldn't take it so easily despite being so strong and independent in our career.
Yet, for those women, they need men for their survival (even if not as boyfriend and husband, their income were still depending on men). Mind you again, they need men, any men who can fit the bill in providing for them and treat them well. It doesn't have to be the one and only. As long as a good one comes by, not too bad from what they need, then they will just hold on to it. If that one man happens to leave them, then they just feel sad for a while, then move on to the next one who can fit the bill again. To them, there isn't such thing as one and only; it's just anyone who can fulfill what they need in life.
Just too bad that man is the kind of animal that wants to feel they are needed. They do not realise that a person who needs you doesn't necessarily mean that it's love. It's just that you so happen to be able to provide for the needs, that's all. True love is not about getting the needs fulfilled; it's that even if she does not need you for anything, she still be with you, care for you, love you for who you are, or even for who you are not.
I just wonder if there is really a man in this world who can fully appreciate this fact. Well, even if there is, i doubt i can be so lucky to meet him. My long history of love life has proven over and over again that i'm one unlucky person who will never find the right man who can love me for who i am forever.
Labels: friendship, introspection, opinion
