Somehow, i found it harder to blog nowadays. I do not want to say that it's because i'm busy at work and do not have the time or energy. Even though it's true to a certain extent, it would sound too much like an excuse.
After all, my friend once said, "时间就像乳沟，挤一挤总还是有的" (translation: time is like cleavage, squeeze and there will be some). And indeed, with all those magic push-up bra in the market, one can never fail to squeeze out the deep-v; so really, why i can't do the same for time?
That's because there's no magic bra for the time in our life. Everyone is born with different sizes of breasts, but all of us are given the same number of hours in a day. The difference is just that some people have lesser things to do, or maybe they are better in managing time. Whatever it is, i do need a magic bra for time, and a super push-up one.
Back to why i was thinking of stop blogging. Well, recently i found myself unable to think well and having difficulties in articulating my thoughts in words. Something in me is slipping away, but i'm not sure what and why. I feel that it may not be so much about losing a certain flair that i think i have; rather, it may be a realisation that i actually do not have it at all to begin with.
That can be scary, i tell you. When you are at a loss of what you have or do not have, what you can do or cannot do, and what you are good at or what you are not, you will just feel apprehensive of the future, of your self-worth, or even of your very existence. You fear the possibility that one day you would finally realise you are just a good-for-nothing who will forever amount to nothing and will eventually die alone, sad and broken.
In case you are wondering what the heck am i babbling about here, frankly, i do not know for sure too. This is precisely why i do not feel like blogging anymore - i can either fill this blog with posts like a diary that simply documents the boring events of my life, or flood it with nonsensical thoughts that are often dark and negative.
Oh well, perhaps all i need is just a good rest. Maybe i am just tired.
We shall see.
Labels: blogging, introspection
