I think, therefore I write. (我思,所以我写。)

Cogito ergo scribo

Saturday, May 22, 2010

That window

Over the past few days, while i was busy at work in the day and late into the evening, a tiny bit of past memory crept into my mind.

Sad memory.

I was referring to the window in that room -- the room where i spent the most agonising and tormenting three months of my life; the room that marks the turning point in my life.

I think memories are stored in bits and pieces, very much like the slides of the old days. For those who are old enough would know that we used to have this reversal film that could produce positive images (幻灯片) and be viewed with a slide projector. Now everything is replaced with digital images and PowerPoint slides that the younger generation may not know what this is.

Yeah, memories are like the slides, and our brain is the slide projector. The details of the past may fade away slowly, yet some portions of it would remain and then played in your mind just like a slide show. You don't see the details, but the scenes or images of certain things, one after another, would flicker from time to time, while reawakening the past feelings that accompanied that piece of memory.

Perhaps that was what happened to me. The slide of that window and that night sky flicked through my mind and twitched my heart at the same time. I did not intentionally reminisce about that sorrowful past, but i guess memory is a strange thing. As much as you try to lock it up, it will always find a way to leak out every once in a while.

Sometimes i just wish that our brain works the same way as computers. How great it would be if we can delete the memory that we do not want, or moved it away to another storage and never look at it again, or even reformat it to wipe it out totally. Too bad that it doesn't work this way, so i guess i will just have to live with it.


if the window at nightfall makes you unhappy, why not displace it with a poster, maybe a cute dog with some motivational quotes.

No, it has nothing to do with the window in my current rented room. That window with the night sky is part of that unhappy memory. I guess it was because of all the sleepless nights during my three-month stay in that room, when i would lie on the mattress and stare out of that window into the dark sky, with my heart aching. That image had probably etched into my mind.

it's still an "image" of your loneliness :(. hmm, maybe you should change the interior placements so that the sorrow past be even lesser - and sign of the new good 2010 pinpin. what i'm suggesting is with shade/poster to cover the nightsky hopefully helps reducing the memory of the past (at least you don't have black rectangle but picture of cuteness, or something). even projector slides will decay and attract fungus if not stored in good condition and used frequently.

Share your cogitation

Thursday, May 20, 2010 @ 2:02 am: On the cab
Monday, May 17, 2010 @ 3:28 am: Drained
Saturday, May 15, 2010 @ 2:07 am: Back in JB
Tuesday, May 11, 2010 @ 12:55 am: At Sunway
Friday, May 07, 2010 @ 3:16 am: Working late night again
Thursday, May 06, 2010 @ 3:05 am: Yee-Eun, God's Grace
Thursday, May 06, 2010 @ 2:57 am: Hectic and exhausted
Tuesday, May 04, 2010 @ 11:00 am: Waiting in the morning
Tuesday, May 04, 2010 @ 4:28 am: Grace
Tuesday, May 04, 2010 @ 3:57 am: Salary increment 2010