I think, therefore I write. (我思,所以我写。)

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Thursday, March 24, 2011

Debt-free but sad

I had actually wanted to post this up on Monday, but was too tired to do it, as i was working late again.

I've deposited the cheque for the amount that i owed YY's mom on Monday. And with that, i am now a debt-free person (notwithstanding the monthly credit card bills that i always pay off on time).

I think i've not mentioned this on my blog before - i had actually paid off the car loan for mom's Toyota Avanza in August last year, at RM36K+. She told me that she was very tight financially despite the monthly allowance of SGD800 that i gave her (she even made a list of spending to justify her claim). Instead of increasing the amount i give her, i decided to pay off the car loan for her, and the instalment that used to come out of that monthly allowance would then become the additional cash for her.

So, i am truly debt-free now. It should be something for me to shout "YAY!", but somehow i do not feel much joy in it.

Last night, after i had sent an sms to YY's mom about the cheque on the day before, i received a call from her. We chatted briefly and in the conversation, she expressed her wish that i can continue to be her daughter-in-law. She said it has been so long already (has it?) and she thought YY and i would be able to reconcile and give it another try. I did not know what to tell her and could only said that it is not possible anymore.

I could sense her disappointment over the phone, and i felt really sad about it. I know she has felt very sorry about what her son had done, and she had hoped for the situation to turn around. Yet, there were lots of details that she was not aware of (i did not tell his parents too much details of the cheating because i did not want to sadden them further and i did not see the need of doing so either). Those who know of the full story would have understood why the relationship has already been irrevocably destroyed.

It always hurts me to see the sorrow of the elderly, for they have spent their entire life providing and taking care of the children, and they should live their remaining lives happily. Even though i was not the root cause of their sadness, i do have a hand in it for not being able to do as they wish. Again, i can't help but lament at how life has turned out to be this way.

I guess it was the crying that made my eyes hurt and then in turn gave me a headache this morning. So i did not go into the office today and work from "home" instead. Boss was quite concerned for me when i told him that i was having migraine (again). He asked me to go and do a thorough medical check-up when i have the time. Actually i do intend to do so, but that will be after i'm done with the current project that i'm rushing for recently.

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take good care of yourself and stay healthy, gal. there shouldn't be any reason to cry for the fault that is not yours, and make your eyes pain, red, blurry and headache somemore (same old don't cry message again and again ...). if you keep crying and crying, how are you going to have LASIK surgery to rid continue being dependent on contact lens and spectacles. and probably have guys start staring at you again ^_^. oh yeah, with that excess maybe you should consider for LASIK (but then i heard from my colleague that LASIK is not simply corrective laser beaming on the retina but cutting at cornea, might be worse than tooth filling and extraction. of course, you are brave and strong woman, gee what am i writing here).

perhaps, more vacations and backpacking in the future too instead lamenting what life would be. but that should be after your current work lor. all the best in your project, ganbatte pinpin! don't disappoint your friends, family, teammates and boss. cheers.

my dear friend, why u start your habit of "拉屎上身“again? Think of urself, ur mum, ur family instead of his family lor!
Believe me their sorrow will be over when they have a "new" daughther-in-law in the future. (Sorry! I really don't think man can be alone for such long time lor! But woman will) The sorrow of yourself and your family will only be over once you find your happiness again. So, Ganbatte!!!

Share your cogitation

Monday, March 21, 2011 @ 4:45 am: To buy or not to buy
Friday, March 18, 2011 @ 5:32 am: Kindness
Friday, March 18, 2011 @ 4:54 am: Richer yet poorer
Monday, March 14, 2011 @ 6:16 am: Calamity
Monday, March 14, 2011 @ 5:46 am: Back in SG
Monday, March 07, 2011 @ 10:13 pm: At Bali
Monday, March 07, 2011 @ 5:24 am: Luggage packed
Friday, March 04, 2011 @ 1:42 am: Stressful week
Tuesday, March 01, 2011 @ 3:10 am: Stressed
Tuesday, February 22, 2011 @ 3:46 am: To stop or not to stop