Cogito ergo scribo

I had actually wanted to post this up on Monday, but was too tired to do it, as i was working late again.

I've deposited the cheque for the amount that i owed YY's mom on Monday. And with that, i am now a debt-free person (notwithstanding the monthly credit card bills that i always pay off on time).

I think i've not mentioned this on my blog before - i had actually paid off the car loan for mom's Toyota Avanza in August last year, at RM36K+. She told me that she was very tight financially despite the monthly allowance of SGD800 that i gave her (she even made a list of spending to justify her claim). Instead of increasing the amount i give her, i decided to pay off the car loan for her, and the instalment that used to come out of that monthly allowance would then become the additional cash for her.

So, i am truly debt-free now. It should be something for me to shout "YAY!", but somehow i do not feel much joy in it.

Last night, after i had sent an sms to YY's mom about the cheque on the day before, i received a call from her. We chatted briefly and in the conversation, she expressed her wish that i can continue to be her daughter-in-law. She said it has been so long already (has it?) and she thought YY and i would be able to reconcile and give it another try. I did not know what to tell her and could only said that it is not possible anymore.

I could sense her disappointment over the phone, and i felt really sad about it. I know she has felt very sorry about what her son had done, and she had hoped for the situation to turn around. Yet, there were lots of details that she was not aware of (i did not tell his parents too much details of the cheating because i did not want to sadden them further and i did not see the need of doing so either). Those who know of the full story would have understood why the relationship has already been irrevocably destroyed.

It always hurts me to see the sorrow of the elderly, for they have spent their entire life providing and taking care of the children, and they should live their remaining lives happily. Even though i was not the root cause of their sadness, i do have a hand in it for not being able to do as they wish. Again, i can't help but lament at how life has turned out to be this way.

I guess it was the crying that made my eyes hurt and then in turn gave me a headache this morning. So i did not go into the office today and work from "home" instead. Boss was quite concerned for me when i told him that i was having migraine (again). He asked me to go and do a thorough medical check-up when i have the time. Actually i do intend to do so, but that will be after i'm done with the current project that i'm rushing for recently.

Labels: life, love