I think, therefore I write. (我思,所以我写。)

Cogito ergo scribo

Thursday, September 01, 2011

It's time

Finally, today is THE day.

That sounds like I have been looking forward to it. And my reply to that would be "yes and no".

There are things in life that you know are inevitable, such as death, or such as time passing by.

Yes, time - this is one thing in life that will never stop moving, no matter you are counting it or not.

It's as if you lock yourself in a room without clocks, watches, mobile phones, or anything that can tell time. You can't tell how long has passed, but time does not standstill simply because you are not paying any attention to it. The time will still pass, you will still age, the world will still change, and so do people.

I did not specifically mark the day on my calendar, but I know it would come eventually. I wasn't consciously counting the days, but there seemed to be a clock buried deep in my subconscious mind and went tick tick tick. And when this day has finally come, even though I did my best not to think anything about it, the heart would ache by itself, as if it had been set with an alarm and knew when to go off. Tick tick tick.

It's a mixed feeling, and I'm not sure how i should really feel about it. What I do know is that the road ahead is gonna be painful. The things that I've intentionally neglected, that I've forced myself not to remember, that I've numbed myself from feeling about it, will gotta be dug up one-by-one, torturing me, strangling me, wrenching my heart and mocking me.

Yes, it's gonna be difficult. I know but I'm gotta face it nonetheless.

Today has not been an easy day for me. I'm gonna end this with a note I posted on my FB today:





I am gonna allow myself to be human. If I were to break, I will let myself break, for I know that God will be with me at all times, and that is perhaps the only way that I can rebuild myself into someone stronger, better, and even happier.

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eventually, this should come to an end. unwanted decision, but seems it's inevitable. the road ahead will be tough, a short one or a long one but you know it's not going to be eternal. if only there's tangible anesthestic that can be prescribed for the pain from the reopened wound, sigh. it's ok to let out once a while if you cannot hold it, or it's turning you into monster. Twice or thrice, as long it doesn't overhurt and renew the sorrow again and again. you must know, this must eventually put to stop. and this is not even of your fault. so please stay strong, pinpin. brace yourself, you gotta believe in your strength. not only your strength but also God's strength and your readers' belief in you. it's not going to taunt or mock you if you think it's not. and you are not going to toss and turn, have nightmares, cry at the mdnight or in front of your colleagues+friends, email your boss for being unwell, you don't have to be this, gal.and remember that you are also not going to be alone in the struggle, from near and from far.

perhaps, it will be better to divert thinking to focus in work (aren't you are a project planner) whenever your mind cross into that unwanted path ... stay strong, and believe in yourself, gal.

Yes, it is very painful.
Yes, it takes times.
Yes, there is no fixed solution.
Yes, there is no sure answer when the roller coaster will slow down and things will become calm again before the roller coaster get triggered and started to break our peaceful mind and life.
We got to be strong!
We got to help ourselves!
You have mother and friends who support you!
You have a religion!


don't give up, and always remember you're not alone - you still ahve many friends to stand by you, from near and from far. cheers.

Share your cogitation

Wednesday, August 31, 2011 @ 3:28 am: Not doing anything
Saturday, August 27, 2011 @ 1:41 pm: At HK Airport
Thursday, August 25, 2011 @ 8:30 am: Who's the boss
Monday, August 22, 2011 @ 12:21 pm: Late
Sunday, August 21, 2011 @ 9:01 pm: Weekend in HK
Wednesday, August 17, 2011 @ 2:18 pm: At HK
Friday, August 12, 2011 @ 8:16 pm: Post vacation blues
Friday, August 12, 2011 @ 6:50 pm: Transit at KLIA again
Wednesday, August 10, 2011 @ 7:41 pm: One more day
Saturday, August 06, 2011 @ 7:43 pm: I am a sinner