I guess the time is near for me to end the long months of ramblings and whining. I said it's "near", but not quite... not sure if it's because a part of me actually refuse to let go, or i'm still very much hurt and gotta release the pent-up emotions in me through these senseless writing.
Anyway, here's a brief timeline of what happened:
2008
Jul 22 - YY attempted to propose to me on Singapore Flyer but was too embarrassed to do it. In the end, he only proposed to me when we reached our rented home.
Aug 31 - Our ROM ceremony at a hotel, which was attended by my family and friends.
Nov 3 - Moved in to our new home.
2009
Jan 23 - Went back to BM for CNY holiday and simple Chinese tea ceremony. My first CNY with his family.
Jan 31 - The day after we returned from BM, he met up with his ex-colleagues who brought him to that indecent massage palour. That was the first day he met that China woman and serviced by her. He was instantly mesmerised by her since they first met.
Feb 14 - The day YY sent out his first sms to that woman to greet her happy Valentine's day. The emotional affair started from then on.
Feb 17 - I started to sense something wrong with YY. He went into a "down" mood when he was with me, and began to sleep late. Talking to him did not help and i started crying myself to sleep every night.
Feb 21 - His first date with that woman in person. Their relationship was on fast track after that (that woman is REALLY good in hooking up man, i must say).
Early March - I attempted to check YY's mobile phone for the first time since our 8.5 years relationship, but he switched off the phone while he went to bath. I woke up in the night for a drink and noticed him not in the house. I confronted him when he returned to the house, asking him if he was out talking to someone on the phone. He denied and then confessed that he started smoking again because he was feeling troubled and was trying to hide it from me. I believed him. Yet, his mood did not improve and actually started to be very cold towards me.
Mar 21 - He lied to me on going out with the same ex-colleagues when he was actually out dating with that woman again. I went through his stuff and saw the high frequency and long hours of phone calls to a particular number. I also found pictures of that China woman in his bag. I confronted him when he was back and things between us went downhill from then on.
Mar 25 - He lied to me about already stopped contacting that woman.
Mar 28 - I forced him to reveal to that woman about his marital status, hoping that woman will cease the contact from her end after knowing that he lied to her about being single. Unfortunately, i was proven too naive to believe in the goodness of people, especially such kind of China massage woman. Not only she did not stop, she actually proclaimed her love to him and insisted to carry on the relationship. He also couldn't stop his obsession with that woman. He asked me to give him more time to adjust his mindset, and he promised that he would turn back within a month, or two the most. I agreed to it
Mar 31 - I had several emotional break-down and couldn't stand living with him while knowing that he was dating another woman at the same time. I moved out of my own home and found a temporary place to stay.
Throughout April - Our relationship went up and down. He constantly told me lies about many things, which i had believed and thinking that our relationship may work.
Apr 19 - He lied to me about going to KL alone for a breather. I found out that the woman was on the same days of leave as him and called him at KL to confront him. He managed to convince me with great sincerity over the phone that he was there alone, which in fact this trip was the first time he and that woman had sex.
Apr 26 - I forced him to breakup with that woman in front of me using speaker phone. What i didn't know was that he had actually informed that woman before-hand and had prepared to put up a show in front of me. She pretended on the phone to agree to break up and also cover up their KL trip.
May 3 - Unhappy incident of driving my grandma and quarrelled in the car
May 16 - Unhappy incident of visit to doctor for the chalazion i had in my eye, when he wasn't happy in lending the medical fee to me.
May 18 - I was on night shift for a week to work on the US project. I was looking forward to returning home in a week's time to rebuild our marriage. He had been telling me that he was busy with a major project at work and couldn't contact me that much, which turned out to be an excuse to "not entertain" me when he was actually still maintaining high frequent contact with that woman all the time.
May 20 - After night shift at the wee hours, i went home thinking to give him a surprised in the morning to have breakfast together. What i found was an empty house instead. He had been away since a few days before, but had been pretending to me that he was in SG all along. I called and sms-ed him all night but to no avail, He was actually having the time of his life f*cking that woman at KL until he lost count of it. I called up his sister and brother and inform them that i had decided on divorce.
May 21 (morning) - He finally returned my call after his brother called him and told him about how upset i was. When i confronted him again, he used the same tactic of sounding so sincere to convince me that he was in KL alone to de-stress.
May 21 (night) - I went home again after the end of the night shift, thinking of to see him in the morning to talk things over. When at home, he was fast asleep after the long drive from KL and the multiple f*cking sessions. I checked through all his stuff and found the pictures of that woman and him, dated both dates when he went to KL. I confronted him in great distress and he finally confessed that he had sex with her during the first trip. However, he lied to me about the second trip and said that he was only helping her to move to KL and didn't have sex with her this time.
May 22 - Booked ticket for return to BM to see my in-laws. Went home and hoping to get a closure with him on this whole thing, thinking that he would tell the truth and clear some of my doubts. He was still lying about everything i asked.
May 23 - Broke the news to both families about my decision to divorce him. He flew back to BM too and asking me to give him one last chance, but when i asked him about some of the things, he was still lying (and it was very obvious because the logic simply did not add up).
May 26 - I found evidence that showed me the truth of what had actually been going on behind my back for the past three months. I found out about all his lies, her cunningness in tempting him on, their scheming against me, the two trips to KL and a lot more details.
Jun 16 - Sold the car that i totally hated, as it was used by him for committing adultery and that woman had been in that car endless times.
Jul 1 - I went to Genting to calm myself down and hope to get out of the depression that i was having.
Jul 8 - I went to see him again to obtain a real closure on issue. I showed him the proof that i had, questioned him and told him in person how i felt and how devastated this whole affair is to me.
And so, here i am now, in the USA, away from all the familiar places that are full of our memories. Hopefully as everyone has been telling me, maybe this trip will do me good in letting go some of the sorrow in me.
Labels: love
